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The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?

The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. PrwmK
Nowadays, having money nearly has everything. So the way of businesses is to make cash. However, I disagree with such a claim because I think that innovation and people are the key ingredients of a successful enterprise. As everyone knows, money now governs almost all of our life activities. Because of it, many people must change the choice in their life. If you have a large capital, you can successfully hire the best engineers and improve your infrastructure, machines, and modern services. In addition, many companies have ceased their business operations due to insufficient financial balance budget. On the other hand, if they do not have any clever staff they can earn money. So business shall also focus on upgrading its people. Because of the constant changes, this seems inevitable that the ability of each individual in the company will bring the business to the next level. For instance, the companies like Google, Facebook, Microsoft, … develop into leading companies in the world. They are of course they need elite staff and also innovative plans to be able to match the development of society. In conclusion, although money is crucial for business, other factors, such as innovation and people, cannot be disregarded.
Nowadays, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
nearly
has everything.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
cash.
However
, I disagree with such a claim
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that innovation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the key ingredients of a successful enterprise.

As everyone knows,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
governs almost all of our life activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the choice in their life. If you have a large capital, you can
successfully
hire the best engineers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your infrastructure, machines, and modern services.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have ceased their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
operations due to insufficient financial balance budget.

On the other hand
, if they do not have any clever staff they can earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
shall
also
focus on upgrading its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the constant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
, this seems inevitable that the ability of each individual in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
will bring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
to the
next
level.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
like Google, Facebook, Microsoft, … develop into leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in the world. They are
of course
they need elite staff and
also
innovative plans to be able to match the development of society.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, other factors, such as innovation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, cannot
be disregarded
.

IELTS essay The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
202 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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