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music bring people together .what extend do you agree?

music bring people together. what extend do you agree? oVn0B
Officials have different views about how to bring their citizens with different culture together, some consider that music can be seen as a sensible way to gather the people who come from different cultures. I personally argue that music carvinals can paly a prominent role in bringing people together, in particular, national musics. In this essay I will clear my view. When it comes to national music, each society has lost of things to tell. Besides, whether we like it or not, people having different views and belifes are proud of their nationality and their country. Therefore, listening to their national musics gives them a sense of identity, which is contributed to enhancing their national proud, As a result, they are always there for each other. my country, for example, has a historical background, so there are a number of cultures, Kurdis and Turkis cultures for instance, Although there are different views concerning their tratinal musics, listening to Iran's national musics calms all groups down. Moreover, people are more tend to communicate with those who have similar music tast regardless age because those who are into listening to classicl music are more likely to be close emotionally. As far as age is concerned, for example, lots of pop or jazz music festivals are held in the entire the world, interestingly, there are participants with a wide range of age. meaning that music can bring people together regardless age and even culture. To sum up, due to reasons that are mentioned above, my impression is that if governments want to unite their citizens with different cultures, they should held national music carvianl on a regular basis.
Officials have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
views about how to bring their citizens with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
together,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a sensible way to gather the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. I
personally
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
Possible spelling mistake found.
carvinals
can
Possible spelling mistake found.
paly
a prominent role in bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together,
in particular
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musics
. In this essay I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
my view.

When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, each society has lost of things to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
.
Besides
, whether we like it or not,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
views and
Possible spelling mistake found.
belifes
are proud of their nationality and their country.
Therefore
, listening to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musics
gives them a sense of identity, which
is contributed
to enhancing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
proud,
As a result
, they are always there for each other.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
my
country,
for example
, has a historical background,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there are a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kurdis
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Turkis
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
for instance
, Although there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
views concerning their
Possible spelling mistake found.
tratinal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musics
, listening to Iran's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musics
calms all groups down.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more tend to communicate with those who have similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
Possible spelling mistake found.
tast
regardless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those who are into listening to
Possible spelling mistake found.
classicl
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are more likely to be close
emotionally
. As far as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is concerned
,
for example
, lots of pop or jazz
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
festivals
are held
in the entire the world,
interestingly
, there are participants with a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
meaning
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together regardless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and even culture.

To sum up, due to reasons that
are mentioned
above, my impression is that if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
want to unite their citizens with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, they should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "hold"
held
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
Possible spelling mistake found.
carvianl
on a regular basis.

IELTS essay music bring people together. what extend do you agree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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