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THE "PUNK ROCK PHILOSOPHER" COLLEGE ESSAY

THE "PUNK ROCK PHILOSOPHER" COLLEGE ESSAY 0AQ1q
This was written for the Common App college application essays, and works for prompts 1 and 7 (or none of them, because the author is that cool): I am on Oxford Academy’s Speech and Debate Team, in both the Parliamentary Debate division and the Lincoln-Douglass debate division. I write screenplays, short stories, and opinionated blogs and am a regular contributor to my school literary magazine, The Gluestick. I have accumulated over 300 community service hours that includes work at homeless shelters, libraries, and special education youth camps. I have been evaluated by the College Board and have placed within the top percentile. But I am not any of these things. I am not a test score, nor a debater, nor a writer. I am an anti-nihilist punk rockphilosopher. And I became so when I realized three things: 1) That the world is ruled by underwear. There is a variety of underwear for a variety of people. You have your ironed briefs for your businessmen, your soft cottons for the average, and hemp-based underwear for your environmental romantics. But underwear do not only tell us about who we are, they also influence our daily interactions in ways most of us don't even understand. For example, I have a specific pair of underwear that is holey, worn out but surprisingly comfortable. And despite how trivial underwear might be, when I am wearing my favorite pair, I feel as if I am on top of the world. In any case, these articles of clothing affect our being and are the unsung heroes of comfort. 2) When I realized I cannot understand the world. I recently debated at the Orange County Speech League Tournament, within the Parliamentary Division. This specific branch of debate is an hour long, and consists of two parties debating either side of a current political issue. In one particular debate, I was assigned the topic: “Should Nation States eliminate nuclear arms? ” It so happened that I was on the negative side and it was my job to convince the judges that countries should continue manufacturing nuclear weapons. During the debate, something strange happened: I realized that we are a special breed of species, that so much effort and resources are invested to ensure mutual destruction. And I felt that this debate in a small college classroom had elucidated something much more profound about the scale of human existence. In any case, I won 1st place at the tournament, but as the crowd cheered when my name was called to stand before an audience of hundreds of other debaters, and I flashed a victorious smile at the cameras, I couldn’t help but imagine that somewhere at that moment a nuclear bomb was being manufactured, adding to an ever-growing stockpile of doom. And that's when I realized that the world was something I will never understand. 3) When I realized I was a punk rocker philosopher. One summer night, my friend took me to an underground hardcore punk rock show. It was inside a small abandoned church. After the show, I met and became a part of this small community. Many were lost and on a constant soul-search, and to my surprise, many, like myself, did not have a blue Mohawk or a nose piercing. Many were just ordinary people discussing Nietzsche, string theory, and governmental ideologies. Many were also artists creating promotional posters and inventive slogans for stickers. They were all people my age who could not afford to be part of a record label and did something extraordinary by playing in these abandoned churches, making their own CDs and making thousands of promotional buttons by hand. I realized then that punk rock is not about music nor is it a guy with a blue Mohawk screaming protests. Punk rock is an attitude, a mindset, and very much a culture. It is an antagonist to the conventional. It means making the best with what you have to contribute to a community. This was when I realized that I was a punk rock philosopher. The world I come from consists of underwear, nuclear bombs, and punk rockers. And I love this world. My world is inherently complex, mysterious, and anti-nihilist. I am David Phan, somebody who spends his weekends debating in a three piece suit, other days immersed within the punk rock culture, and some days writing opinionated blogs about underwear. But why college? I want a higher education. I want more than just the textbook fed classrooms in high school. A community which prizes revolutionary ideals, a sharing of multi-dynamical perspectives, an environment that ultimately acts as a medium for movement, similar to the punk rock community. I do not see college as a mere stepping stone for a stable career or a prosperous life, but as a supplement for knowledge and self-empowerment; it is a social engine that will jettison us to our next paradigm shift.
This
was written
for the Common App college application essays, and works for prompts 1 and 7 (or none of them,
because
the author is that cool):

I am on Oxford Academy’s Speech and
Debate
Team, in both the Parliamentary
Debate
division and the Lincoln-Douglass
debate
division. I write screenplays, short stories, and opinionated blogs and am a regular contributor to my school literary magazine, The
Gluestick
.
I
have accumulated over 300
community
service hours that includes work at homeless shelters, libraries, and special education youth camps.
I
have
been evaluated
by the College Board and have placed within the top percentile.

But
I am not any of these things. I am not a
test
score, nor a debater, nor a writer. I am an anti-nihilist
punk
rockphilosopher
. And I became
so
when I
realized
three things:

1) That the
world
is ruled
by
underwear
. There is a variety of
underwear
for a variety of
people
. You have
your
ironed briefs for your businessmen, your soft cottons for the average, and hemp-based
underwear
for your environmental romantics.
But
underwear
do not
only
tell
us about who we are, they
also
influence our daily interactions in ways most of us don't even understand.
For example
, I have a specific pair of
underwear
that is
holey, worn out
but
surprisingly
comfortable. And despite how trivial
underwear
might be, when I am wearing my favorite pair, I feel as if I am on top of the
world
. In any case, these articles of clothing affect our being and are the unsung heroes of comfort.

2) When I
realized
I cannot understand the
world
. I recently debated at the Orange County Speech League Tournament, within the Parliamentary Division. This specific branch of
debate
is an hour long, and consists of two parties debating either side of a
current
political issue. In one particular
debate
, I
was assigned
the topic: “Should Nation States eliminate nuclear arms? ” It
so
happened that I was on the
negative
side and it was my job to convince the judges that countries should continue manufacturing nuclear weapons. During the
debate
,
something
strange happened: I
realized
that we are a special breed of species, that
so
much effort and resources
are invested
to ensure mutual destruction. And I felt that this
debate
in a
small
college classroom had elucidated
something
much more profound about the scale of human existence. In any case, I won 1st place at the tournament,
but
as the crowd cheered when my name
was called
to stand
before
an audience of hundreds of other debaters, and I flashed a victorious smile at the cameras, I couldn’t
help
but
imagine that somewhere at that moment a nuclear bomb was
being manufactured
, adding to an ever-growing stockpile of doom. And that's when I
realized
that the
world
was
something
I will never understand.

3) When I
realized
I was a
punk
rocker philosopher. One summer night, my friend took me to an underground hardcore
punk
rock
show
. It was inside a
small
abandoned church. After the
show
, I met and became a part of this
small
community
.
Many
were lost
and on a constant soul-search, and to my surprise,
many
, like myself, did not have a blue Mohawk or a nose piercing.
Many
were
just
ordinary
people
discussing Nietzsche, string theory, and governmental ideologies.
Many
were
also
artists creating promotional posters and inventive slogans for stickers. They were all
people
my age who could not afford to be part of a record label and did
something
extraordinary by playing in these abandoned churches, making their
own
CDs and making thousands of promotional buttons by hand. I
realized
then that
punk
rock
is not about music nor is it a guy with a blue Mohawk screaming protests.
Punk
rock
is an attitude, a mindset, and
very
much a culture. It is an antagonist to the conventional. It means making the best with what you
have to
contribute to a
community
. This was when I
realized
that I was a
punk
rock
philosopher.

The
world
I
come
from consists of
underwear
, nuclear bombs, and
punk
rockers. And I
love
this
world
. My
world
is
inherently
complex, mysterious, and anti-nihilist. I am David
Phan
, somebody who spends his weekends debating in a
three piece
suit, other days immersed within the
punk
rock
culture, and
some
days writing opinionated blogs about underwear.

But
why college? I want a higher education. I want more than
just
the textbook fed classrooms in high school. A
community
which prizes revolutionary ideals, a sharing of multi-dynamical perspectives, an environment that
ultimately
acts as a medium for movement, similar to the
punk
rock
community
. I do not
see
college as a mere stepping stone for a stable career or a prosperous life,
but
as a supplement for knowledge and self-empowerment; it is a social engine that will jettison us to our
next
paradigm shift.
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IELTS essay THE "PUNK ROCK PHILOSOPHER" COLLEGE ESSAY

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
817 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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