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Music diversity around us

Music diversity around us aweKm
There are more than a dozen of music we knew exist today. All of the can be devided in to two groups, tranditional music and modern music. Traditional music usually partice locally and a lot of strict role should be followed to play them. In contrast, more freedom to play modern music. Shiden, keroncong and dangdut are belong to traditional music in Indonesia whereas Rock, SKA, pop are belong to traditional music. Like food, we need music in our daily life. There are several reason to listen music. First of all, we listen music because we need to energize our self during conduct specifict task. Secondly, we enjoy music due to its ability to remind us about swee or showrow in the past. Additionally, music have power to relieve their stress. Both tradiotional and modern music are importent us. Despite of its strike role to play, traditional music must be preserved in order to provide the next generation about how the music is evolve as well as a source for modern music development. In other hand, modern music must continuasly develop in orther to feed the hunger of human for something new.
There are more than a dozen of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
we knew exist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
Consider using "all the".
All of the
can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
devided
in to two groups,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tranditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
usually
Possible spelling mistake found.
partice
locally
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
strict role should
be followed
to play them.
In contrast
, more freedom to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shiden
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
keroncong
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
dangdut
are
Consider using a past participle here: "belonged".
belong
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in Indonesia whereas Rock, SKA, pop are belong to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
music.

Like food, we need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in our daily life. There are
Possible agreement error. The noun reason seems to be countable; consider using: "several reasons".
several reason
to listen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, we listen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we need to energize our self during conduct
Possible spelling mistake found.
specifict
task.
Secondly
, we enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
due to its ability to remind us about
Possible spelling mistake found.
swee
or
Possible spelling mistake found.
showrow
in the past.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
have power to relieve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

Both
Possible spelling mistake found.
tradiotional
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
importent
us.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
its strike role to play,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be preserved
in order to provide the
next
generation about how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
Consider using a past participle here: "evolved".
evolve
as well
as a source for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
development. In other hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
Possible spelling mistake found.
continuasly
develop in
Possible spelling mistake found.
orther
to feed the hunger of human for something new.

IELTS essay Music diversity around us

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
192 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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