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The professor argues for the use of pesticides. Explain her ideas on how pesticide use and health are related. v.1

The professor argues for the use of pesticides. Explain her ideas on how pesticide use and health are related. v. 1
Home is a place where members of the family get together there, talk to each other, eat, rest and relax. So it has an important role in strengthening bonds between family members. These days, people spend less time at home that brings negative effect on individuals and society. The first cause is people’s busy working schedule. Nowadays, labour market is very competitive and everyone must work hard to establish a good work position. And parents must work hard to earn enough money and meet family needs. Another reason is increas in family expenditures. In contemporary days, people tend to spend their money on luxuries, holidays and leisure goods, so they must even work harder to keep up with these expenses. People also must spend a couple of hours on the way home from work and vice versa, because cities are too crowded and they always get stuck in traffic jam that make even situation worse. This phenomenon causes several negative effects. As member of family spend less time at home the family bonds gradually are faded away so it has devastating effects on family relationships. Most of the people need family emotional support to naturalize the negative stresses at work, so if it is not fulfilled cause severe depression that will interfere with their professional and personal lives. In addition, when people do not take adequate time for children, they lean toward their friends. Therefor they may be influenced or pressurized by their peers to do something wrong, for example, taking drugs, alcohol or shoplifting that prepares the ground for juvenile crimes and ruin their future. In conclusion, people spend less time at home because of working for long hours, increase in family expenses and also traffic congestion. Spending less time home has negative on personally and socially aspect of life, including running family relationships, depression, and poor children upbringing and rise in juvenile rate crimes.
Home is a place where members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together there, talk to each other, eat, rest and relax.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it has an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in strengthening bonds between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home that brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
effect on individuals and society.

The
first
cause is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
busy working schedule. Nowadays,
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
competitive and everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to establish a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
position. And parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
needs. Another reason is
Possible spelling mistake found.
increas
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
expenditures. In contemporary days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their money on luxuries, holidays and leisure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with these expenses.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a couple of hours on the way home from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and vice versa,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
cities are too
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
crowded and
they always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
stuck in traffic jam that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
even situation worse.

This phenomenon causes several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
effects. As member of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonds
gradually
are faded
away
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it has devastating effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationships. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
emotional support to naturalize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if it is not fulfilled cause severe depression that will interfere with their professional and personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
In addition
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not take adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for children, they lean toward their friends. Therefor they may
be influenced
or pressurized by their peers to do something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
,
for example
, taking drugs, alcohol or shoplifting that prepares the ground for juvenile crimes and ruin their future.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of working for long hours, increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
expenses and
also
traffic congestion. Spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
home has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
on
personally
and
socially
aspect of life, including running
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationships, depression, and poor children upbringing and rise in juvenile rate crimes.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay The professor argues for the use of pesticides. Explain her ideas on how pesticide use and health are related. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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