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The Problems of Modern School

The Problems of Modern School 0l3e1
Everybody knows that modern school isn’t ideal. There are some problems and difficulties that worsen the process of education. So today I’d like to discuss one of these problems with you. And also propose some ways of how we could avoid them in the school of future as if we were responsible for its arrangement. First of all I’d like to speak about the school curriculum. We all understand that it so difficult to schedule it in such a way that it would be suitable and comfortable for teachers and pupils. But just here appears a problem. Pupils are not allowed to choose subjects they’d like to study and that would be useful for their future profession. Of course, I don’t want to say that they could select for example only two or three subjects. No, I don’t mean that. But what I’d like to say is the following. At first after the 9th form pupils should pass some tests which would determine their abilities and aptitudes at certain disciplines, at certain subjects. And then teachers should offer them different kinds of programs which would help the pupils to direct their efforts in the sphere they had chosen. So that finishing school they would already have been prepared for entering the University. Of course, I understand that all that I have proposed it’s difficult to implement but I think that we just have to try to do that, because in my opinion it’s a real chance for teachers and for the Board of Education in general, to get pupils involved in the process of studying. And we all know that nowadays exists such problem at school. From year to year there are more and more pupils who don’t want to do anything at some subjects. I can say even more sharply. There are some subjects which they dislike or just hate. And they don’t hide their attitude. I believe that the main reason of such behavior is that they are not interested in the process of education. And I’m sure that if we want to raise highly educated and self-sufficient children, we do need to change our system of education. So, I understand that is only my opinion, and I really glad that I could express it in front of you. And now I’d like to hear your points of view. May be they will be different. What do you think about this problem? Or, may be, you don’t see any problem in this situation at all?
Everybody knows that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
isn’t ideal. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and difficulties that worsen the process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
I’d like to discuss one of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
with you. And
also
propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways of how we could avoid them in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
of future as if we were responsible for its arrangement.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
I’d like to speak about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum. We all understand that
Did you mean "is" or "it is"?
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
difficult to schedule it in such a way that it would be suitable and comfortable for teachers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
here appears a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Pupils
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
they’d like to study and that would be useful for their future profession.
Of course
, I don’t want to say that they could select
for example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two or three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. No, I don’t mean that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
what I’d like to say is the following. At
first
after the 9th form
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
should pass
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
which would determine their abilities and aptitudes at certain disciplines, at certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. And then teachers should offer them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of programs which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
to direct their efforts in the sphere they had chosen.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that finishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
they would already have
been prepared
for entering the University.
Of course
, I understand that all that I have proposed it’s difficult to implement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
try to do that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in my opinion it’s a real chance for teachers and for the Board of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
in general
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
involved in the process of studying. And we all know that nowadays exists such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. From year to year there are more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
who don’t want to do anything at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. I can say even more
sharply
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which they dislike or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
hate. And they don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
their attitude. I believe that the main reason of such behavior is that they are not interested in the process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. And I’m sure that if we want to raise
highly
educated and self-sufficient children, we do need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our system of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I understand
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
my opinion, and
Did you mean "I am"?
I
really
glad that I could express it in front of you. And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I’d like to hear your points of view.
Did you mean "maybe" (= perhaps)?
May be
they will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. What do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
? Or, may be, you don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in this situation at all?
What do you think?
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IELTS essay The Problems of Modern School

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
417 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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