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The problem of Multicultural Societies

The problem of Multicultural Societies dkjep
Nowadays, an increasing number of people concern about the effects of the mixture of different ethnic groups in a country. Multicultural Societies bring more drawbacks than benefits, however, some people insist. That is a kind of brief view. Countries hugging a variety of cultures are undoubtedly gaining more in today's globalization trends. It is apparent that for most nations, the leading purpose of policy makers is providing citizens a higher life standard, which is the source of people's wellbeing. Different people can learn from each other, which fosters the evolution of all parts, resulting in the improvement of the entire country. Therefore, it is crucial for governments to take actions to multicultural communication. The multicultural mixture of a nation helps increase competitive abilities among over 200 countries in the world. For example, America is a characteristic nation formed by different people. And each group has its own characters. People from east-Asia do well in software designing and people from Africa run faster overall than others. If governors can adjust to a variety of groups fairly well, not only will they run beyond other countries, but the public would like to support them further. Not that there is not a problem of merging different cultures. There are, of course, as the progress to a comfortable multicultural relationship, it is common that there are some contradictions between some culture groups. Fortunately, it is not unavoidable and we can avoid it with the effort of our governments. In summary, people should take a positive attitude towards multicultural societies and our governments should make noble efforts to build a suitable environment for multicultural communication. Meanwhile, we shall be cautious of the contradictions of different groups. Only by doing so can we construct a better tomorrow and lead ahead in the world.
Nowadays, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
concern about the effects of the mixture of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ethnic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Multicultural
Societies bring more drawbacks than benefits,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
insist.
That is
a kind of brief view.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
hugging a variety of cultures are
undoubtedly
gaining more in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's globalization trends.

It is apparent that for most nations, the leading purpose of
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
policy makers
is providing citizens a higher life standard, which is the source of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn from each other, which fosters the evolution of all parts, resulting in the improvement of the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Therefore
, it is crucial for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to take actions to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multicultural
communication.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multicultural
mixture of a nation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
increase competitive abilities among over 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the world.
For example
, America is a characteristic nation formed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. And each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
characters.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
from east-Asia do well in software designing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from Africa run faster
overall
than others. If governors can adjust to a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
fairly
well, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will they run beyond other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the public would like to support them
further
.

Not that there is not a problem of merging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures. There are,
of course
, as the progress to a comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multicultural
relationship, it is common that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
contradictions between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
culture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
.
Fortunately
, it is not
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
unavoidable and
we can avoid it with the effort of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.

In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multicultural
societies and our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
noble efforts to build a suitable environment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multicultural
communication. Meanwhile, we shall be cautious of the contradictions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
can we construct a better tomorrow and lead ahead in the world.
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IELTS essay The problem of Multicultural Societies

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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