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the problem of excess weight has become more and more urgent

the problem of excess weight has become more and more urgent 0amQ5
In recent times, the problem of excess weight has become more and more urgent. Society suggests that more physical education lessons in the school curriculum could change these circumstances. I would have to support the idea that these lessons will not affect to the situations and give no result. On the one hand, no one can approve that overweighting always is a result of lack of physical activities. First of all, it is necessary to comprehend that causes of overweighting are various. A lot of people people suffering from innate overbalance and in spite of sport after ages they'll inherit it. Furthermore, there are many diseases that leads to overweighting, heart diseases are also included to this list. Overall, decision to add more physical education is very stereotypically. On the other hand, there are another loyal way to deal with this issue. In fact, many people that have excess weight firstly suffer from psycological problems. So that, school should teach students to response correctly to stresses and any other contributors like low self-estimate. They should show how to deal with depression and how to behaviour in other difficult situations in life, only after this, children could avoid harmful food, bad habits and lack of health care. To conclude, in my opinion, the introducing more physical education lessons in the school curriculum will not be something changing while socium will not understand that reasonss of overweighting could be in psychology of people, not only in the lack of sport. Education system must avoid this issue by the exploring causes of this, not the consequence.
In recent times, the problem of excess weight has become more and more urgent. Society suggests that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
lessons in the school curriculum could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
these circumstances. I would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that these lessons will not affect to the situations and give no result.

On the one hand, no one can approve that
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweighting
always is a result of lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is necessary to comprehend that causes of
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweighting
are various.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering from innate overbalance and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
sport after ages they'll inherit it.
Furthermore
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases that leads to
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweighting
, heart diseases are
also
included to this list.
Overall
, decision to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
stereotypically
.

On the other hand
, there are another loyal way to deal with this issue. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that have excess weight
firstly
suffer from
Possible spelling mistake found.
psycological
problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, school should teach students to response
correctly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
and any other contributors like low self-estimate. They should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how to deal with depression and how to
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in other difficult situations in life,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after this, children could avoid harmful food,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits and lack of health care.

To conclude
, in my opinion, the introducing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
lessons in the school curriculum will not be something changing while
Possible spelling mistake found.
socium
will not understand that
Possible spelling mistake found.
reasonss
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweighting
could be in psychology of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the lack of sport.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
avoid this issue by the exploring causes of this, not the consequence.
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IELTS essay the problem of excess weight has become more and more urgent

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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