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The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. with this opinion? pRRPa
It is often argued that minor commits crime due to lack of care and concerns of their mothers as they had to work and cannot spent much time with their children. I would disagree to a large extent with the statement. I believe that it is the responsibility of both parents to educate their children. First of all, I believe that parents plays an important role in their children life as home is first place where they learn what is right or wrong thing to do. It is the duty of both parents to teach their children that some activities are not right to do and punishable. Even if both parents are working then they have to manage their time and give time to their children and listen what they had to share with them. For example, one of my cousin beat her classmate because of her annoying habit and she shared this incident with her parents during dinner. Then uncle and aunt told her that it is not right thing to do and she realized herself and apologized her friend. On the other hand, children needs lots of care and guidance from their parents. Children are more connected with their mothers. Mother should teach their children about society and educate them. If married women become busy then the future of children become uncertain. Children got lost and confused as there is no one to talk and share their stories with anyone. Thus, they tends to commit crime instead. In conclusion, I think that changing position of women in community has some impact on children committing juvenile delinquency. However, we cannot ignore the fact that both parents are accountable for educating their children about society.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that minor
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "commits'" or "commit's"?
commits
crime due to lack of care and concerns of their mothers as they had to work and cannot
The verb 'cannot' requires the base form of the verb: "spend"
spent
much time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I would disagree to a large extent with the statement. I believe that it is the responsibility of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
life as home is
first
place where they learn what is right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
thing to do. It is the duty of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities are not right to do and punishable. Even if both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are working then they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
manage their time and give time to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and listen what they had to share with them.
For example
, one of my cousin beat her classmate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of her annoying
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
habit and
she shared this incident with her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
during dinner. Then uncle and aunt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
her that it is not right thing to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
do and
she realized herself and apologized her friend.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
needs lots of care and guidance from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are more connected with their mothers. Mother should teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about society and educate them. If married women become busy then the future of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become uncertain.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
lost and confused as there is no one to talk and share their stories with anyone.
Thus
, they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "tend"
tends
to commit crime
instead
.
In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that changing position of women in community has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
committing juvenile delinquency.
However
, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the fact that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are accountable for educating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about society.
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IELTS essay The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
285 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?