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Multicultural societies, in which there is a mixture of different ethnic peoples, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. do you agree or disagree

Multicultural societies, in which there is a mixture of different ethnic peoples, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. 566Me
Diversity in cultures and society is very essential for healthy and happy relationships in any civilization. People living in societies with huge varieties of culture, traditions, and languages attain certain qualities which may not be seen in mono-cultural ones. I believe this has a lot of advantages and no disadvantages. The greatest advantage of such by living in a diverse environment, they would be more aware of religious practices, food, clothing, and language of people of different ethnicities, which tend for them to have not only the quality of tolerance towards others but also more accommodating and welcoming than people who have never experienced these cultures. India, for instance, has accepted people of different cultural backgrounds such as Iranians, Europeans, Mughals, and Arabs and they have easily mixed with the native population. This makes India an example of unity in diversity and peaceful coexistence. Moreover, countries with various ethnic groups have the privilege to enjoy different festivals such as Diwali, Eid, and Christmas which bring them together to celebrate. Consequently, unity is reinforced at these occasions, even if any bitterness existed before. People also enjoy different dresses in a multicultural nation which again act as a binding force among masses. Also, the diversity of food is a source of social cohesion among multiple ethnic groups. For example, many restaurants in Goa serve Punjabi, Jain, Western, Italian, Thai, Continental, and Chinese foods. This allows people of different ethnic groups to place at one place and enjoy meals. This builds a sense of unity in society. In conclusion, I would like to reaffirm my stand in favour of multicultural societies and the benefits they offer over a single ethnic group. Undoubtedly, there will be some conflict (should have explained conflict as a disadvantage. See changes in the introduction. ), however, it is a part every public, multi or mono-cultural.
Diversity in cultures and society is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential for healthy and happy relationships in any civilization.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
living in societies with huge varieties of culture, traditions, and languages attain certain qualities which may not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in mono-cultural ones. I believe this has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages and no disadvantages.

The greatest advantage of such by living in a diverse environment, they would be more aware of religious practices, food, clothing, and language of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ethnicities, which tend for them to have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the quality of tolerance towards others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
more accommodating and welcoming than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have never experienced these cultures. India,
for instance
, has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultural backgrounds such as Iranians, Europeans,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mughals
, and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Arabs and
they have
easily
mixed with the native population. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
India an example of unity in diversity and peaceful coexistence.
Moreover
, countries with various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ethnic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
have the privilege to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
festivals such as Diwali,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eid
, and Christmas which bring them together to celebrate.
Consequently
, unity
is reinforced
at these occasions, even if any bitterness existed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
also
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
dresses in a multicultural nation which again act as a binding force among masses.
Also
, the diversity of food is a source of social cohesion among multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ethnic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
restaurants in Goa serve Punjabi, Jain, Western, Italian, Thai, Continental, and Chinese foods. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ethnic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
to place at one place and enjoy meals. This builds a sense of unity in society.

In conclusion
, I would like to reaffirm my stand in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of multicultural societies and the benefits they offer over a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ethnic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
.
Undoubtedly
, there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
conflict (should have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
conflict as a disadvantage.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
See
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the introduction.
Loose punctuation mark.
)
,
however
, it is a part every public, multi or mono-cultural.
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IELTS essay Multicultural societies, in which there is a mixture of different ethnic peoples, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 6.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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