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Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. with this opinion? MMMgk
According to some psychologists the main factor for rise in crime rate among youth under 18 years is due to lack of social and emotional learning from their guardians. While I find the claims to be justifiable to a certain extent, I also argue that there are many other reasons for this and they will be explained in the forthcoming paragraphs. There are many other factors which lead to increase in crime among young ones. Firstly, there has been a trend going on about violence in movies and video games in recent times. Due to this their way of thinking and behaviour with other people can be affected because children are easily influenced as they are young. Secondly, there is a saying “ Your tribe describes your vibe” it means the you become the kind of people you are surrounded with, even if a child has received the best learning if he is surrounded by criminals he is likely to be a criminal himself. For example, Osama bin laden a terrorist was from a well known family and even received best education from a university in London but he choose a path towards violence because of his surroundings. Although, there are certain benefits if parents educate their children from very young age, they can teach them about what kind of people children should be around with and guide them properly in life, but in today’s world it is required that both parents work in order to survive. Due to this they are not able to spend time with their children and show the correct path. To conclude, parents are not able to guide their children due to their busy schedules. But it is really the other reasons and factors that are responsible for increasing crime among young ones.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
psychologists the main factor for rise in crime rate among youth under 18 years is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to lack of social and emotional learning from their guardians. While I find the claims to be justifiable to a certain extent, I
also
argue that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reasons for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
this and
they will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the forthcoming paragraphs.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors which lead to increase in crime among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones.
Firstly
, there has been a trend going on about violence in movies and video games in recent times.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to this their way of thinking and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
easily
influenced as they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
.
Secondly
, there is a saying
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
Your tribe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
your vibe” it means
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "you"?
the you
become the kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
you
are surrounded
with, even if a child has received the best learning if he
is surrounded
by criminals he is likely to be a criminal himself.
For example
,
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
Osama bin laden
a terrorist was from a well known family and even
A determiner is probably missing here: "received the best".
received best
education from a university in London
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "chooses", "chose".
choose
a path towards violence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his surroundings.

Although, there are certain benefits if parents educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age, they can teach them about what kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be around with and guide them
properly
in life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world it
is required
that both parents work in order to survive.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to this they are not able to spend time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the correct path.

To conclude
, parents are not able to guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to their busy schedules.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is
really
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reasons and factors that are responsible for increasing crime among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones.
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IELTS essay Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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