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THE POSITION OF WOMEN HAS CHANGED A GREAT DEAL

THE POSITION OF WOMEN HAS CHANGED A GREAT DEAL KWPYN
On the one hand, I agree of the first part of the statement because throughout of the last 50 years, we can see that women have begun to have importance for the society and it could be seen mainly in the second war world when the men were in the war field and the women were in the factories doing the objects and sources neccesaries to war. Since that moment the women have understood that they have the same possibilities of the men, that is to say, not only doing home activities but doing working activities. It produced that women begun to have importance for the society. On the other hand, I disagree with the second part of the statement that says ""the societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality"" because actually the governments have not created a law without icluding the women in it, all the people of the same country has the same law and it does not discriminate anyone. For example, in Colombia the constitution and all the rest of the laws like the work law claim to have the same rights and gender euality in its books.
On the one hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
of the
first
part of the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
throughout of the last 50 years, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have begun to have importance for the society and it could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
mainly
in the second war world when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
were in the war field and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were in the factories doing the objects and sources
Possible spelling mistake found.
neccesaries
to war.

Since that moment the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have understood that they have the same possibilities of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
,
that is
to say, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
doing home activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
doing working activities. It produced that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
begun to have importance for the society.

On the other hand
, I disagree with the second part of the statement that says
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
"the societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
"
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
actually the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
have not created a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
without
Possible spelling mistake found.
icluding
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in it, all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of the same country has the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
and it does not discriminate anyone.

For example
, in Colombia the constitution and all the rest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
like the work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
claim to have the same rights and gender
Possible spelling mistake found.
euality
in its books.
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IELTS essay THE POSITION OF WOMEN HAS CHANGED A GREAT DEAL

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
192 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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