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The popularity of mobile phones among young people is growing rapidly. It is a good or bad development? Give your own opinion and relevant examples from experience.

The popularity of mobile phones among young people is growing rapidly. It is a good or bad development? Give your own opinion and relevant examples from experience. Nr3Xy
It as an irrefutable fact that the world has gone too far with the innovation of new technologies such as mobile phones, internet and so on, due to which people are able to tour the cosmos virtually sitting in one place using their smart devices or other technological gadgets. Most importantly, mobile phones have been more important and popular amid young generation. Therefore, I strongly believe that it is a positive development of mankind if it is used only for good reasons. To begin with, due to the easy access of smart phones, communication has been very effective and instant. People are able to convey their message all around the globe with their love ones without spending hefty sum of money in no time. In the same way, adults are always fond of such gadgets and they always welcome and adopt such new technology readily. Further, young people have been able to broaden their mind and skills by doing research in the internet. For instance, I use my smart phone to look up any new word if I come across. As we know that most of the universities have online teaching provision and smart phone assists the students to complete their assignment on time. Further emphasizing my point of view, mobile phones have been a life saver of a lot of people in our community in case of emergency. Likewise, use of smart phones can be a vital component to stop the increasing crimes in the society by providing information to the security forces in time. Nonetheless, mobile phone’s use can be like an addiction to the youngsters and they could misuse it. Young people are prone to involve in ill activities in the internet. They could use it to watch crime occurrence and porn, consequently, they might indulge in such activities which are against the social norms and values. Therefore, young people should always be monitored and given education of its bad outcomes. To recapitulate, mobile phones definitely bring multifarious advantages to the users only if it is used for right purpose in an ethical way.
It as an irrefutable fact that the world has gone too far with the innovation of new technologies such as mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, internet and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, due to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to tour the cosmos
virtually
sitting in one place using their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
devices or other technological gadgets. Most
importantly
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have been more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and popular amid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation.
Therefore
, I
strongly
believe that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development of mankind if it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, due to the easy access of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, communication has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective and instant.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are able to convey their message all around the globe with their
Did you mean "loved ones"?
love ones
without spending hefty sum of money in no time.
In the same way
, adults are always fond of such
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
gadgets and
they always welcome and adopt such new technology
readily
.
Further
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been able to broaden their mind and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by doing research
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
.
For instance
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
to look up any new word if I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across. As we know that most of the universities have online teaching provision and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
assists the students to complete their assignment on time.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
emphasizing my point of view, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have been a life saver of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in our community in case of emergency.
Likewise
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can be a vital component to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the increasing crimes in the society by providing information to the security forces in time.

Nonetheless, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
can be like an addiction to the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
youngsters and
they could misuse it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are prone to involve in ill activities
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
. They could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
crime occurrence and porn,
consequently
, they might indulge in such activities which are against the social norms and values.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should always
be monitored
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
education of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
outcomes.

To recapitulate, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
definitely bring multifarious advantages to the users
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for right purpose
Consider replacing "in an ethical way" with the adverb for "ethical"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an ethical way
.
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IELTS essay The popularity of mobile phones among young people is growing rapidly. It is a good or bad development? Give your own opinion and relevant examples from experience.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
347 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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