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the pie chart compare water usage in san diego county, california and worldwide

the pie chart compare water usage in san diego county, california and worldwide G9ew2
The pie charts compare the proportion of water usage for Residential, Industrial and Agricultural purposes in three different zones, namely San Diego County, California and Worldwide. It can be seen that Agriculture was recorded as using the vast majority of water consumption all over the world. Remarkably, in San Diego County, the percentage of water usage for Residential took the first place as opposed to that of Worldwide. In terms of Agriculture, Worldwide spent the massive 69% on it, the highest figure, followed by the smaller proportion of water usage for Industry and Residential, whose figures were 28% and 17% respectively. Meanwhile, the percentage of water used for Residential was the lowest rate, at roughly 8%. However, a good proportion of water usage can be witnessed in San Diego County, at around 60%, which was two thirds times higher than that of California. Turing to Industrial purpose, whose proportion of water usage made up 23% in the world, equaling that of San Diego County and being 10% lower than that of California.
The pie charts compare the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Residential
, Industrial and Agricultural purposes in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
zones,
namely
San Diego County, California and Worldwide.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that Agriculture
was recorded
as using the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
consumption all over the world.
Remarkably
, in San Diego County, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Residential
took the
first
place as opposed to that of Worldwide.

In terms of Agriculture, Worldwide spent the massive 69% on it, the highest figure, followed by the smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
for Industry and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Residential
, whose figures were 28% and 17%
respectively
. Meanwhile, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Residential
was the lowest rate, at roughly 8%.
However
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
can
be witnessed
in San Diego County, at around 60%, which was two thirds times higher than that of California.

Turing to Industrial purpose, whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
made up 23% in the world, equaling that of San Diego County and being 10% lower than that of California.
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IELTS essay the pie chart compare water usage in san diego county, california and worldwide

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
172 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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