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The picture displays the way in which bees make honey.

The picture displays the way in which bees make honey. Ym3rd
Overall, the process consists of seven stages, beginning with bees hiving around a beehive and ending up with a product, namely honey, being ready to consume. First of all, the most hard-working creatures gather in a swarm and fly towards fields, lawns or gardens full of blossoming flowers with the aim of collecting a sweet liquid produced by these flowers, namely nectar. After that, bees return back to a, so called, container where they live and place previously mentioned harvest into numerous cells in order to conserve it. Second of all, permanent movement of bees in a hive produces a large amount of air with the help of their tiny wings. Subsequently, accumulated air leads to a water evaporation which means that water changes into gas and vaporizes out of cells. Finally, cells are left only with honey and all that remains is to get it out of there.
Overall
, the process consists of seven stages, beginning with bees hiving around a beehive and ending up with a product,
namely
honey, being ready to consume.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working creatures gather in a swarm and
fly
towards fields, lawns or gardens full of blossoming flowers with the aim of collecting a sweet liquid produced by these flowers,
namely
nectar. After that, bees
Consider using "return".
return back
to
Did you forget something after 'a'?
a,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
called, container where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and place previously mentioned harvest into numerous cells in order to conserve it.

Second of all, permanent movement of bees in a hive produces a large amount of air with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of their tiny wings.
Subsequently
, accumulated air leads to a water evaporation which means that water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
into gas and vaporizes out of cells.

Finally
, cells are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with honey and all that remains is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it out of there.

IELTS essay The picture displays the way in which bees make honey.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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