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the person that you admire

the person that you admire d3lEE
One of celebrities that I admire is Bill Gates. As everyone knows, Bill Gates is the wealthiest and the richest person all over the world. To have a success today, he has to endure many difficulties in his career. To start up, he has a small company named Traf-O-Data but unfortunately, the company suffered the capital loss and heavy failure. However, he did not give up and countinue his career path, he continue studying, analysing his failure as well as taking experience to have new opportunity in developing his career. Afterwards, he become the richest person and a pioneer of technology with his success technology product, Microsoft, the popular computer operating system nowadays. Personally, I admire him in his perseverance, talent and also his success. Additionally, the most important key in his success is perseverance which many bussinessman did not have and easily give up in their career path although they are talented. Therefore, he became my motivation in studying. Not only me, I think almost people who start up in bussiness career also take motivation from him.
One of celebrities that I admire is Bill Gates. As everyone knows, Bill Gates is the wealthiest and the richest person all over the world. To have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
endure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
up, he has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
named
Possible spelling mistake found.
Traf-O-Data
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unfortunately, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
suffered the capital loss and heavy failure.
However
, he did not give up and
Possible spelling mistake found.
countinue
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path, he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "continues", "continued".
continue
studying,
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
his failure
as well
as taking experience to have new opportunity in developing his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. Afterwards, he become the richest person and a pioneer of technology with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
technology product, Microsoft, the popular computer operating system nowadays.
Personally
, I admire him in his perseverance, talent and
also
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
Additionally
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
key in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is perseverance which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
bussinessman
did not have and
easily
give up in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path although they
are talented
.
Therefore
, he became my motivation in studying. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
me, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
almost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
up in
Possible spelling mistake found.
bussiness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
also
take motivation from him.
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IELTS essay the person that you admire

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
178 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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