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The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss both causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. rOqN
There is no doubt that the problem of obesity is becoming worse and worse and it is having an impact on more and more people. In the last ten years, obesity rates have rocketed almost by 20%, and the problem is now epidemic mostly in western world. This essay will look into the main causes and effects of this above expressed problem. The most effective in dealing with this situation is, first of all, through turning an urgent attention to the underlining causes of the problem. Obviously, the predominant cause which bring about current concern is that we are consuming too much fast food in our daily life such as high-carbohydrate, high-fat burgers and pizza in fast food restaurants. A clear solution to this would be to government to increase the rate of taxes in this kind of low vitamin foods otherwise we can face a lot more health risks. Steps should also be taken to overcome the problem by fighting against the individuals less active which originates this irresolvable situation. More and more people are becoming less active due to the high cost of exercising in local gyms. To illustrate, to take Uzbekistan for example our local gyms the minimum cost of attending gyms is 100 and 150 sums per month. It is very high for ordinary people to attend. The responsibility should fall to the government also in individuals to decrease costs of gyms affordable for ordinary people. As a result of such actions we can decrease significantly individuals’ overweight problems. In conclusion, there are several measures which could be undertaken to improve obesity rates. If the efforts are implemented at a right time the situation would be eased appreciably.
There is no doubt that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of obesity is becoming worse and worse and it is having an impact on more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In the last ten years, obesity rates have rocketed almost by 20%, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
epidemic
mostly
in western world. This essay will look into the main causes and effects of this above expressed problem.

The most effective in dealing with this situation is,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, through turning an urgent attention to the underlining causes of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
Obviously
, the predominant cause which bring about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
concern is that we are consuming too much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food in our daily life such as high-carbohydrate, high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
burgers and pizza in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food restaurants. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
solution to this would be to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to increase the rate of taxes in this kind of low vitamin foods
otherwise
we can face a lot more health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.

Steps should
also
be taken
to overcome the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
by fighting against the individuals less active which originates this irresolvable situation. More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming less active due to the high cost of exercising in local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gyms
. To illustrate, to take Uzbekistan
for example
our local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gyms
the minimum cost of attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gyms
is 100 and 150 sums per month. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high for ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to attend. The responsibility should fall to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
in individuals to decrease costs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gyms
affordable for ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result of such actions we can decrease
significantly
individuals’ overweight problems.

In conclusion
, there are several measures which could be undertaken to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
obesity rates.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
the efforts
are implemented
at a right time the situation would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eased
appreciably
.
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IELTS essay The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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