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The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. X5eE
With fast food revolution in developed countries number of people having obesity has increased significantly. Its not just effecting the middle aged and older population, but also the children. Data show 20% of population that age group is overweight. Eating junk food is giving people a lot of health issue other than obesity. The number new cases of diabetes in young population has increased significantly. It is also connected to heart problems all the unsaturated fat and cheap ingredients put a a lot of stress on cardiac muscle which could lead to heart attacks, heart failure. The cost of health insurance coverage has increased a lot in this age group. Convenience food in turn is making people more lazy and hence a dramatic surge in health issues over a decade. In order to stop this trend in young population significant step has to be taken. young kids should Be motivated to eat healthy balanced diet. if they want to try fast food than more healthy option should be chosen for them. Other than food habit changes they should be engaged in more physical activities like swimming, running or any sports. poor eating choices making young population more prone to disease and stress because of body shaming. All these issues in long term will lead to a unconfident future generation with poor lifestyle choices, disease prone and higher cost of living.
With
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
revolution in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having obesity has increased
significantly
. Its not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
effecting the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
middle aged
and older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the children. Data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
20% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
that age group is overweight.

Eating junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is giving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
health issue other than obesity. The number new cases of diabetes in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
has increased
significantly
. It is
also
connected to heart problems all the unsaturated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
ingredients put a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on cardiac muscle which could lead to heart attacks, heart failure. The cost of health insurance coverage has increased a lot in this age group. Convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in turn is making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more lazy and
hence
a dramatic surge in health issues over a decade.

In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
this trend in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
significant step
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be taken
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
young
kids should
Be motivated
to eat healthy balanced diet.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
they want to try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
than more healthy option should
be chosen
for them. Other than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
they should
be engaged
in more physical activities like swimming, running or any sports.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
poor
eating choices making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
more prone to disease and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of body shaming. All these issues in long term will lead to
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
unconfident future generation with poor lifestyle choices, disease prone and higher cost of living.
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IELTS essay The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
230 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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