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Only 20% of the exams are held by women. What problems do women face that prevent them getting the jobs and what must be done to change this situation.

Only 20% of the exams are held by women. What problems do women face that prevent them getting the jobs and what must be done to change this situation. ooqb
There have always been some discrimination in technical field jobs. They prefer male or female that's the result only 20% female are in this tech jobs. Therefore first we will discuss the problem which resist them from the jobs, then what steps that could be done to overcome this problem. discussing about the problems which are faced by females that prevent them from joining statfield it is a stereotype that has built that men are good in maths and science. Even though girls outperform boys in schools and colleges but these girls are not considered equal to boys for coding because the preconception the recruiters have for them. For instance in a recent report by New York agency that out of 10 job positions in IT field 8 are occupied by males and only to females for the position. which creates improper balance in work culture that's why they are paid less as compared to males even they have more capabilities to do work. Another problem is family restrict girls from taking higher degrees and give reason as they will be getting married soon so that don't opt for tech jobs this gives a a push to their dreams. That's why these imbalances can be seen in applied science fields. Therefore, promoting girls for stamp in winters in this instead of putting the sections will be better option. Equal job opportunities must be there in companies and formalised hiring procedures in advance. This will promote more and more girls to opt for applied science fields. However, we can also enter a single test for company which could judge both gender abilities. Whoever deserve will get to another round and get job. For example Tata started standardized coding test deposit recruiting which is same for everyone. It also set a good example for other industries because every one must get equal opportunities whatever gender they have which will build a good workplace environment. Thus, dealing with problem at its roots, by expanding work opportunities for women. The tech company would be able to reduce the gap between female job holders and male job holders in technical fields.
There have always been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
discrimination in technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. They prefer male or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
that's the result
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
20%
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female
are in this tech
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
first
we will discuss the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
which resist them from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, then what steps that could
be done
to overcome this problem.

Did you mean simply "discussing the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discussing about the
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problems
which
are faced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from joining
Possible spelling mistake found.
statfield
it is a stereotype that has built that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and science.
Even though
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girls
outperform boys in schools and colleges
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
are not considered equal to boys for coding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the preconception the recruiters have for them.
For instance
in a recent report by New York agency that out of 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
positions in IT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
8
are occupied
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
for the position.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
creates improper balance in work culture that's why they
are paid
less
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
even they have more capabilities to do work. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is family restrict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
from taking higher degrees and give reason as they will be getting married
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that don't opt for tech
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
this gives
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "a" or "a" is left.
a a
push to their dreams. That's why these imbalances can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in applied science fields.

Therefore
, promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
for stamp in winters in this
instead
of putting the sections will be better option. Equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be there in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'formalised' is British English.
formalised
hiring procedures in advance. This will promote more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
to opt for applied science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
.
However
, we can
also
enter a single
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
which could judge both gender abilities. Whoever deserve will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to another round and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
For example
Tata
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
standardized coding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
deposit recruiting which is same for everyone. It
also
set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example for other industries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
equal opportunities whatever gender they have which will build a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
workplace environment.

Thus
, dealing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
at its roots, by expanding work opportunities for women. The tech
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
would be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
holders and male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
holders in technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
.
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IELTS essay Only 20% of the exams are held by women. What problems do women face that prevent them getting the jobs and what must be done to change this situation.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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