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the percentage of overweight children in most western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss reasons and effect of the tread.

In this technical era, children have less work to do. In one research it is noticable that in foraign countries the rate of cubby children has climbed up to 20% by the decade. This essay intents to the causes and the consequances of this problem by certain fact and examples, before coming to the conclusion. This para shed some light on the causes of the overweightness in the children of western region. Now a days life of the children becomes more easier. First reason is the food and diet followed by them. For instance, In recent time. fast food and street food take the place of healthy food. Moreover, most of the children prefers fast food and because of that they have been overweighted. To cap it all, Their unscheduled diet is major reason of this problem. Further more, This problem have certain outcomes, too. Because of their heighvy body. Children can not do hard work. Sometimes overweightness leads lazyness in their body. Empty mind is the devil's workshop, Children have been becoming less intelligent now a days. The worst impact is that cubbyness leads some health reguarding issues. For example, mostly diabetes has seen in the fat children. Some time they even can not focus on their studies. To pen down, Prevention is better then cure. I would say that overweightness is the major issue, world facing today. We should take some steps to that and should keep our body healthy.
In this technical era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have less work to do. In one research it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
noticable
that in
Possible spelling mistake found.
foraign
countries the rate of
Possible spelling mistake found.
cubby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has climbed up to 20% by the decade. This essay intents to the causes and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
consequances
of this problem by certain fact and examples,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
coming to the conclusion. This para shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on the causes of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweightness
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of western region.
Did you mean “nowadays”?
Now a days
life of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
becomes
Use only “easier” (without ‘more’) when you use the comparative.
more easier
.
First
reason is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and diet followed by them.
For instance
, In recent time.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
take the place of healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Moreover
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
prefers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that they have been
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweighted
. To cap it all, Their unscheduled diet is major reason of this problem.
This adverb is normally spelled as one word.
Further more
,
The verb ‘have’ is plural. Did you mean: “This problem has”? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This problem have
certain outcomes, too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
heighvy
body.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can not do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweightness
leads
Possible spelling mistake found.
lazyness
in their body. Empty mind is the devil's workshop,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
have been becoming less intelligent
Did you mean “nowadays”?
now a days
. The worst impact is that
Possible spelling mistake found.
cubbyness
leads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health
Possible spelling mistake found.
reguarding
issues.
For example
,
mostly
diabetes has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
time they even can not focus on their studies. To pen down, Prevention is
Did you mean “better than”?
better then
cure. I would say that
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweightness
is the major issue, world facing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. We should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps to that and should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our body healthy.
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IELTS essay the percentage of overweight children in most western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss reasons and effect of the tread.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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