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The overuse of natural resources cause an ultimate exhaust of them. People have been using them to be in swim of new styles such as making new furniture of recent design. This causes a huge harm to the environment. Therefore, the government should discourage people the overuse of this resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.2

The overuse of natural resources cause an ultimate exhaust of them. People have been using them to be in swim of new styles such as making new furniture of recent design. This causes a huge harm to the environment. Therefore, the government should discourage people the overuse of this resources. v. 2
Recently, many people are overusing natural resources, which is causing exhaustion of those resources. While some people use them in swim of new styles such as creating new furniture, others think that such actions bring harm to the environment. In my opinion, I agree with the latter view and think that the government should discourage the use of such resources. First of all, discouraging the use of natural reserves helps to preserve them because if they are used in a very low amount, their numbers start to increase. For example, if the government bans the use of natural resources, such as wood, then the amount of trees in jungle is less likely to decrease. Also, the environment around residential areas might get better over-time. This is because high number of trees leads to less carbon dioxide, which in turns reduces pollution and global warming. Moreover, birds and animals are also protected with the protection of earthy resources. In other words, many wildlife are often found in forests, where they depend on it and live their whole life. To illustrate, birds need trees to create their nest while animals like deer lives on woods and depend on the nature for foods. Furthermore, resources such as trees occasionally save us from natural disasters because their roots prevent landslide and soil-erosion by holding the high amount of soil underneath them. To sum up, there are several advantages of natural resources like controlling pollutions and preserving wildlife. Hence, government must stop the overuse of this resources in creating different unnecessary materials.
Recently,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are overusing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources, which is causing exhaustion of those resources. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them in swim of new styles such as creating new furniture, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that such actions bring harm to the environment. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter view and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should discourage the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of such resources.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, discouraging the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
reserves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to preserve them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low amount, their numbers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to increase.
For example
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
bans the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources, such as wood, then the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
in jungle is less likely to decrease.
Also
, the environment around residential areas might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better over-time. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
high number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
leads to less carbon dioxide, which in turns
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
pollution and global warming.

Moreover
, birds and animals are
also
protected with the protection of earthy resources.
In other words
,
Possible agreement error. The noun wildlife seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much wildlife", "a good deal of wildlife".
many wildlife
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
found in forests, where they depend on it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their whole life. To illustrate, birds need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
to create their nest while animals like deer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
on woods and depend on the nature for foods.
Furthermore
, resources such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trees
occasionally
save us from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
disasters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their roots
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
landslide and soil-erosion by holding the high amount of soil underneath them.

To sum up, there are several advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources like controlling pollutions and preserving wildlife.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the overuse of this resources in creating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
unnecessary materials.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The overuse of natural resources cause an ultimate exhaust of them. People have been using them to be in swim of new styles such as making new furniture of recent design. This causes a huge harm to the environment. Therefore, the government should discourage people the overuse of this resources. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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