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The only things people are interested in today is earning more money

The only things people are interested in today is earning more money 969oX
We as human live in materialistic society and learn to be acquisitive. When a person reaches that age to earn life and love, try to earn more and more money to get married. Nowadays, people try to earn money. They compare their lives with neighbor. If their neighbor purchases a TV, he buys a bigger one. If he gets a car, his neighbor gets two cars, ones for his woman and another for himself. Big companies well know about competition between community members. They try to build best appliance with high prices. These manufacturers pay high paycheck to genius people who improve and upgrade their products. Then poor society face with brain drain. In these nations, poor people become poorer and rich people become richer.
We as human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in materialistic society and learn to be acquisitive. When a person reaches that age to earn life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, try to earn more and more money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to earn money. They compare their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
with neighbor. If their neighbor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
a TV, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buys
a bigger one. If he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a car, his neighbor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
two cars, ones for his woman and another for himself.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
well know about competition between community members. They try to
A determiner is probably missing here: "build the best".
build best
appliance with high prices. These manufacturers pay high paycheck to genius
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and upgrade their products. Then poor society face with brain drain. In these nations, poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become poorer and rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become richer.

IELTS essay The only things people are interested in today is earning more money

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
125 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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