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Some people says that parents has a key role for the children’s in development other says that television and a friendship has made a important role discuss the both of you and give your opinion

Some people says that parents has a key role for the children’s in development other says that television and a friendship has made a important role discuss the both of you and give your opinion 309Vn
This has been told by SAM that children are implemented by the parents where as others argue that television and friends has made a Vital role for guiding the children’s in this essay I will discuss both of you and give my opinion I strongly believe that advantages are more than disadvantages. First and foremost parents are the first teacher for the children advantages the children can learn from their parents how they teach them vital role to the parents and children and has a great born great Bound parents teach the children what is good and bad how to be in the society in a good way moreover children can also learn from the parents for example if the children’s parents or a good teachers who belongs to education steam automatically this children also learn or will be the first in class in education. Similarly if the parents are good educated and how is the respect in the society the children also be mould in that way in the society and takes respect from the other peoples. However the next gen televisions and friends are the most important for their children to grow in their life it makes a key role others can learn lot from the children friends and in television by watching or listening friends teach them a lot because they also belongs to the same age group they never feel share with each other to how many Gate with each other freely. To sum up I would like to repeat parents and friends both are important play a vital role in the life of children financially and intelligently.
This has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
by SAM that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are implemented
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
others argue that television and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
has made a Vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
for guiding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
in this essay I will discuss both of you and give my opinion I
strongly
believe that advantages are more than disadvantages.

First
and foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the
first
teacher for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
advantages the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
how they teach them vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and has a great born great Bound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
teach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
what is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
how to be in the society in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
way
moreover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for example
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "teacher"?
teachers
who
Did you mean "belong"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'teachers' should be used.
belongs
to education steam
automatically
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
or will be the
first
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in education.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
educated and how is the respect in the society the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
be
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
in that way in the society and takes respect from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
peoples.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the
next
gen televisions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to grow in their life it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
others can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
lot from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and in television by watching or listening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
teach them a lot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
also
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "belong"
belongs
to the same age group they never feel share with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
to how
Possible agreement error. The noun Gate seems to be countable; consider using: "many gates".
many Gate
with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
freely
.

To sum up I would like to repeat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
both are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
play a vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
financially
and
intelligently
.
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IELTS essay Some people says that parents has a key role for the children’s in development other says that television and a friendship has made a important role discuss the both of you and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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