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The number of students who work along with studying is dramatic increase nowadays. This effect to study time schedule of students and it leads to stress.

The number of students who work along with studying is dramatic increase nowadays. This effect to study time schedule of students and it leads to stress. 0EPLq
The number of students who work along with studying is dramatic increase nowadays. This effect to study time schedule of students and it leads to stress. In the following paragraph, the cause and some sensible solutions to this issue will be presented. From my point of view, the main reason that force students to work while studying is their family financial capabilities. Because education requires a lot of money, in other words, you do not pay only education fees but also transportation, uniforms, food e. g. Moreover, in some countries are a lack of support from their government about the education system, making students have to struggle by themself to get a chance to study. Furthermore, with the enormous amount of homework they have to do and the number of tasks they have to do, it is hard for them to manage their own time and it causes them stress. However, there are many ways to solve this problem, first of all, the government play a main role in due with this issue. In other words, the government should run more assistance programs for students, providing them with more educational opportunities. Secondly, studying in distance learning courses is one of the best options. It is very advantageous to study in such a way, it gives them more time flexibilities, especially if they have jobs. Finally, planning their time schedule will help them better to manage their time, For instance, if they do a night part-time job, they should finish their homework before the job start. In conclusion, the lacking time for learning and constantly feeling under pressure can cause by financial problems and the lack of educational support from the government. However, it can solve by giving more supports from the government and studying in distance learning courses.
The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who work along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
is dramatic increase nowadays. This effect to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
schedule of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and it leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. In the following paragraph, the cause and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sensible solutions to this issue will
be presented
.

From my point of view, the main reason that force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to work while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
is their family financial capabilities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
education requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money,
in other words
, you do not pay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
education fees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
transportation, uniforms, food
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
Moreover
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries are a lack of support from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
about the education system, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle by
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to study.
Furthermore
, with the enormous amount of homework they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do and the number of tasks they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to manage their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and it causes them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to solve this problem,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
play a main role in due with this issue.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should run more assistance programs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, providing them with more educational opportunities.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in distance learning courses is one of the best options. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
advantageous to study in such a way, it gives them more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
Possible spelling mistake found.
flexibilities
,
especially
if they have jobs.
Finally
, planning their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
schedule will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them better to manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
For instance
, if they do a night part-time job, they should finish their homework
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
.

In conclusion
, the lacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for learning and
constantly
feeling under pressure can cause by financial problems and the lack of educational support from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
However
, it can solve by giving more supports from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in distance learning courses.
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IELTS essay The number of students who work along with studying is dramatic increase nowadays. This effect to study time schedule of students and it leads to stress.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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