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The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved?

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved? VpRJ
A large number of health problems have occurred due to obesity over the recent decade. Thus, a growing number of people have become obese and the life of these people is at risk. This essay will shed light on potential reasons for this trend including increasing consumption of fast food and sedentary lifestyle and also suggest some executive solutions to tackle this issue. To start, the reasons behind obesity should be explored. The first thing that comes to mind is when you think about reason of obesity is taking a large section of unhealthy food in daily diet. Unhealthy foods are defined as any food or drink which has a large amount of calories, fat and sugar. If overeating these foods combines with laziness, it will lead to obesity. Another reason for obesity which scientists have discovered is that it can be due to the body’s metabolism and genetic defect. For some people, their bodies turn food into energy slowly, thus the calories stored in their bodies and they become obese as time goes by. However, despite the severity of the obesity problem, there are a number of ways in which countries can tackle it more effectively. Firstly, governments can put far more pressure on fast food restaurants to provide healthy alternatives to hamburgers, French fries and soft drinks. Secondly, public exercise initiatives can be advertised and promoted far more fiercely. Lastly, programs that inform people about healthy dietary requirements can be taught at television and social media. To conclude, obesity is a growing problem in the world, mainly caused by eating fast food, lack of physical activity and genetic defect which are not insurmountable. This issue can be prevented and treated by healthy eating habits and physical exercises.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
health problems have occurred due to obesity over the recent decade.
Thus
, a growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become obese and the life of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
. This essay will shed light on potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for this trend including increasing consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and sedentary lifestyle and
also
suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
executive solutions to tackle this issue.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind obesity should
be explored
. The
first
thing that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to mind is when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
of obesity is taking a large section of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in daily diet. Unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are defined
as any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or drink which has a large amount of calories,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and sugar. If overeating these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
combines with laziness, it will lead to obesity. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for obesity which scientists have discovered is that it can be due to the body’s metabolism and genetic defect. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, their bodies turn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
into energy
slowly
,
thus
the calories stored in their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
bodies and
they become obese as time goes by.

However
, despite the severity of the obesity problem, there are a number of ways in which countries can tackle it more
effectively
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can put far more pressure on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants to provide healthy alternatives to hamburgers, French fries and soft drinks.
Secondly
, public exercise initiatives can
be advertised
and promoted far more
fiercely
.
Lastly
, programs that inform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about healthy dietary requirements can
be taught
at television and social media.

To conclude
, obesity is a growing problem in the world,
mainly
caused by eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, lack of physical activity and genetic defect which are not insurmountable. This issue can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
and treated by healthy eating habits and physical exercises.
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IELTS essay The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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