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The number of people interested in cosmetic surgery is increasing to improve their physical appearance

The number of people interested in cosmetic surgery is increasing to improve their physical appearance 8do75
Most people have argued that a plethora of individuals going through plastic surgery to enhance their beauty has tremendously increased. I believe it's a positive decision owing to the fact that it has enabled persons to boost their self-esteem as well as promote their physical health. First and foremost, cosmetic procedures have enabled people to improve their level of confidence. Advancement in technology has made it easier for people to fix and alter their physical appearance according to their wishes hence improving on how they socialize with others. Being confident in the way one looks make them feel better in all aspects of life. For example, the Kardashians alterered their physical appearance through reconstructive surgery to improve on their self-esteem. Therefore, improving the exterior look of a person enables one to become more confident. Secondly, restoration of a person appearance enhances their physical health. Some procedures such as rhinoplasty not only reshapes a person nose but also improves breathing by correcting structural defects such as deviated septum consequently relieving an individual from breathing problems. Similarly, people with unequal breast in shape or size prefer doing breast augmentation so that they can balance them and bring the upper body into better proportion. As an illustration, people suffering from chronic nose stuffiness do reconstruction operation to enhance their breathing patterns. Thus, altering how one appears helps in promoting their physical health. In conclusion, plastic surgery is a helpful trend as it boosts people confidence and help alleviate symptoms caused by defects such as nasal septum deviation hence improving their physical condition.
Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have argued that a plethora of individuals going through plastic surgery to enhance their beauty has
tremendously
increased. I believe it's a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
decision owing to the fact that it has enabled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
to boost their self-esteem
as well
as promote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health.

First
and foremost, cosmetic procedures have enabled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their level of confidence. Advancement in technology has made it easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
and alter their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
appearance according to their wishes
hence
improving on how they socialize with others. Being confident in the way one looks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel better in all aspects of life.
For example
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kardashians
Possible spelling mistake found.
alterered
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
appearance through reconstructive surgery to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
on their self-esteem.
Therefore
, improving the exterior look of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
enables one to become more confident.

Secondly
, restoration of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
appearance enhances their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
procedures such as rhinoplasty not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reshapes a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
nose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
breathing by correcting structural defects such as deviated septum
consequently
relieving an individual from breathing problems.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with unequal breast in shape or size prefer doing breast augmentation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can balance them and bring the upper body into better proportion. As an illustration,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering from chronic nose stuffiness do reconstruction operation to enhance their breathing patterns.
Thus
, altering how one appears
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in promoting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health.

In conclusion
, plastic surgery is a helpful trend as it boosts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
confidence and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
alleviate symptoms caused by defects such as nasal septum deviation
hence
improving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
condition.
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IELTS essay The number of people interested in cosmetic surgery is increasing to improve their physical appearance

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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