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The number of people are interested in cosmetic surgery.why is this happen and it has negative or positive development

The number of people are interested in cosmetic surgery. why is this happen and it has negative or positive development KGlp9
The majority of individuals choose cosmetic surgery in order to look attractive and younger than their real age. There are numerous reasons behind this and it has detrimental effects on human beings which will be discussed in the following paragraphs. To begin with, the most plausible cause is that, individuals have no satisfaction with their actual appearance. so, they give priority to surgery. This is because in today world, people has become materialistic and everyone wants to look attractive and younger. A person for instance, judge by his/her physical appearance on the contrary if he has no fascinating look, he/she feels low in society and avoid taking part in social activities. What is more, well - known personalities be it, singers, actors and sports player's give preference to artificial face due to the fact that they want to influence to public towards and attain more work opportunities to earn name and fame Hence, individuals are interested in cosmetic surgery. In the case of adverse effects surgeries can be harmful for people's body in the light of the fact that of it doesn't negative impacts on natural skin but also Creates skin cancer or allergy and folks may lose their actual beauty. Take an example of, Michael jockson who spend his whole life to change his appearance but after he suffered from skin cancer due to this. Another side effect is that, it is also wastage of money which they utilised on it. owing to it, they cannot hide their real appearance and number of human beings who cannot afford to it, they take enormous loans which can lead finical problems. In conclusion, due to the above reasons, individuals are interested in plastic surgery and it has adverse effects on their skin on the contrary they cannot change their ordinary skin for long time.
The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
choose cosmetic surgery in order to look attractive and younger than their real age. There are numerous reasons behind this and it has detrimental effects on human beings which will
be discussed
in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the most plausible cause is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
have no satisfaction with their actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
, they give priority to surgery. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
become materialistic and everyone wants to look attractive and younger. A person
for instance
, judge by his/her physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
on the contrary
if he has no fascinating look, he/she feels low in society and avoid taking part in social activities.
What is more
, well
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
known personalities be it, singers, actors and sports player's give preference to artificial face due to the fact that they want to influence to public towards and attain more work opportunities to earn name and fame
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are interested
in cosmetic surgery.

In the case of adverse effects surgeries can be harmful for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's body in the light of the fact that of it doesn't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
Creates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
cancer or allergy and folks may lose their actual beauty. Take an example of, Michael
Possible spelling mistake found.
jockson
who spend his whole life to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after he suffered from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
cancer due to this. Another side
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
is that, it is
also
wastage of money which they
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
on it. owing to it, they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
their real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
and number of human beings who cannot afford to it, they take enormous loans which can lead finical problems.

In conclusion
, due to the above reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are interested
in plastic surgery and it has adverse effects on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
on the contrary
they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
for long time.
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IELTS essay The number of people are interested in cosmetic surgery. why is this happen and it has negative or positive development

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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