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The number of old people is increasing dramatically. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

The number of old people is increasing dramatically. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? Grk3L
In recent years, the development of medical aid has brought about the rise in life expectancy which leads to a concern whether this trend is beneficial. This essay disagrees with the opinion that the merits are overridden the demerits as numerous aspects should be taken into account to ensure the quality of life of the elderly. To begin with, it is apparent that an upsurge in the residents’ life expectancy requires superior health care services to maintain the fitness level of the elderly which imposes pressure on the governmental funds. In fact, it is argued that illnesses such as diabetes, cancer, hyper-tension are unavoidable in the old age; therefore, more medical services should be provided to the olds so that people would be able to live healthily. However, others believe that the nationwide fund should be allocated on social innovations to upgrade the living standards; for example, transportation construction and other infrastructure should be alleviated to boost a nation’s progress in a long term. As a direct consequence, an increase in life expectancy may adversely affected one nation’s economical status. In addition, a large number of people suppose that elderly people may prevent the young from obtaining career promotion. The reason is that the majority of high position at work currently belong to people who are highly- experienced and typically people at the old age are usually considered as the skilled ones. As a result, it is said that unemployment rate in the young community is on the rise due to the fact that most occupation, especially those involve with management, prefer elder workers. In conclusion, it is clear that more residents at the old age result in the financial burdens on a nation and family as well as career prospects of the youth; as a result, I believe that this trend imposes shortcomings rather than benefits.
In recent years, the development of medical aid has brought about the rise in
life
expectancy which leads to a concern whether this trend is beneficial. This essay disagrees with the opinion that the merits are overridden the demerits as numerous aspects should
be taken
into account to ensure the quality of
life
of the elderly.

To
begin
with, it is apparent that an upsurge in the residents’
life
expectancy requires superior health care services to maintain the fitness level of the elderly which imposes pressure on the governmental funds. In fact, it
is argued
that illnesses such as diabetes, cancer, hyper-tension are unavoidable in the
old
age;
therefore
, more medical services should
be provided
to the olds
so
that
people
would be able to
live
healthily
.
However
, others believe that the nationwide fund should
be allocated
on social innovations to upgrade the living standards;
for example
, transportation construction and other infrastructure should
be alleviated
to boost a nation’s progress in a long term. As a direct consequence, an increase in
life
expectancy may
adversely
affected
one nation’s
economical
status.

In addition
,
a large number of
people
suppose that elderly
people
may
prevent
the young from obtaining career promotion. The reason is that the majority of high position at work
currently
belong to
people
who are
highly
- experienced and
typically
people
at the
old
age are
usually
considered as the skilled ones.
As a result
, it
is said
that unemployment rate in the young community is on the rise due to the fact that most occupation,
especially
those involve with management, prefer elder workers.

In conclusion
, it is
clear
that more residents at the
old
age result in the financial burdens on a nation and family
as well
as career prospects of the youth;
as a result
, I believe that this trend imposes shortcomings
rather
than benefits.
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IELTS essay The number of old people is increasing dramatically. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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