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The number of cars has increased significantly in major cities. What problems does this cause and what are some solutions to these problems?

Currently, automobiles have become a basic necessity of the modern society and hence their number has grown drammatically all over the world, especially in metropolitan cities. This essay will suggest that the major problem caused by this phenomenon is the pollution and then submit to promote public transports as the most reasonable solution. To begin with, there are several problems which are associated with the increase in the number of cars in metropolises. The first and foremost one is an air pollution. In other words, there are massive emissions of toxic gases in most of the urban areas, which has detrimental effect on the environment. Additionally, this kind of toxic gases would have a negative effect on not only nature but also human health. Another problem would be traffic congestion. This means that, currently, cars are becoming more cheaper and more people are buying them. As a result, there will be more traffic jams and this cause frustration for people who cannot reach their workplaces on time. However, there are number of solutions to this situation. Firstly, government should maximize the utilization of public transportation and improve it's quality. Consequently, people will prefer to opt for public transports such as metros and buses instead of their own automobiles. Furthermore, rising fuel prices and implement zero-emissons cars can be the most viable solutions to reduce the toxic gases on the environment. This is because, if the government increase the fuel prices, people won't afford to buy fuel. Thereby, they will take public transportation instead of their own cars. In conclusion, increasing number of cars on the road leads a lot of problems including air pollution and traffic jams. Nevertheless, increase the level of public transports and fuel prices must be encouraged to solve the problem.
Currently
, automobiles have become a basic necessity of the modern society and
hence
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
has grown
Possible spelling mistake found.
drammatically
all over the world,
especially
in metropolitan cities. This essay will suggest that the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
caused by this phenomenon is the pollution and then submit to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transports as the most reasonable solution.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
which
are associated
with the increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
in metropolises. The
first
and foremost one is
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply “air pollution”.
an air pollution
.
In other words
, there are massive emissions of toxic gases in most of the urban areas, which has detrimental effect on the environment.
Additionally
, this kind of toxic gases would have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
nature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
human health. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
would be traffic congestion. This means that,
currently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
are becoming
Use only “cheaper” (without ‘more’) when you use the comparative.
more cheaper
and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are buying them.
As a result
, there will be more traffic jams and this cause frustration for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who cannot reach their workplaces on time.

However
, there are
It seems that an article is missing. Did you mean “a number of”?
number of
solutions to this situation.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should maximize the utilization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
It seems that the possessive pronoun “its” fits better in this context.
it's
quality.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will prefer to opt for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transports such as metros and buses
instead
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
automobiles.
Furthermore
, rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
prices and implement
Possible spelling mistake found.
zero-emissons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
can be the most viable solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the toxic gases on the environment. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
prices,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
won't afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
. Thereby, they will take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation
instead
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cars.

In conclusion
, increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
on the road leads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
including air pollution and traffic jams.
Nevertheless
, increase the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transports and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
prices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be encouraged
to solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.

IELTS essay The number of cars has increased significantly in major cities. What problems does this cause and what are some solutions to these problems?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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