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Over the past few years obesity has become one of the causes of health issues in people for which they need help from the health care system. Few people suggest that the physical education lessons should be made a part of the school curriculum which would help keeing the ailm

Over the past few years obesity has become one of the causes of health issues in people for which they need help from the health care system. Few people suggest that the physical education lessons should be made a part of the school curriculum which would help keeping the ailments like obesity at bay so that lesser number of people visit hospitals. I agree with the statement that the school curriculum should have more lessons related to physical education. We will delve deeper and discuss this in more detail in subsequent paragraphs. At the onset, let us see what are the benefits of the introducing such lessons in the school curriculum. First of all, the students spend a lot of time in the school in their foundational years. To elaborate, the habits formed in the school stay for the lifetime with any student. Hence, if the school curriculum has lessons related to physical education, there are chances that this would become a part of lifestyle for a child which would help him in a long run. To cite an example, 80% of the respondents out of a sample size of 500 men in age group of 60-80, in a survey conducted by World health organization stated that since they were being taught healthy lifestyle and physical education, they are still healthy and were able to keep body fat in control. This has resulted in 50% less hospital visits than the people who were not taught such lessons. Furthermore, if school is teaching the importance of exercises and quantified nutrition as a part of physical education curriculum the students would try following the routine which would keep the body fat low and protect them from obesity. To substantiate, the exercises keep the body fat low and promote a healthy metabolism but this is possible oly if they are done properly. The inclusion of such courses from school would help the children in keeping the body fat low, maintain proper posture and avoiding the risk of injury. To illustrate, a study conducted by Association of High Schools in Washington State which had participation from three hundred schools of the region established a fact that following a properly designed curriculum and instructions reduced the risk of various diseases in children. To conclude, it can be encapsulated that the making physical education lessons a part of school curriculum not only help a student to form good habits to take care of one's own body for the whole lifespan, but also educate children about the significance of quantified nutrition. These benefits help the children in long run which reduces the chance of getting diseases and indirecly reduces the ever increasing burden from country's health care system.
Over the past few
An apostrophe may be missing.
years
obesity has become one of the causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for which they need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care system. Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggest that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
should
be made
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
which would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
keeping the ailments like obesity at bay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that lesser number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visit hospitals. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
should have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. We will delve deeper and discuss this in more detail in subsequent paragraphs.

At the onset,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
what are the benefits of the introducing such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
.
Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in their foundational years. To elaborate, the habits formed in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
stay for the lifetime with any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
.
Hence
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, there are chances that this would become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of lifestyle for a child which would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
him in a long run. To cite an example, 80% of the respondents out of a sample size of 500
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in age group of 60-80, in a survey conducted by World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
organization stated that since they were
being taught
healthy lifestyle and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, they are
still
healthy and were able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
in control. This has resulted in 50% less hospital visits than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were not taught such lessons.

Furthermore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is teaching the importance of exercises and quantified nutrition as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would try following the routine which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
low and protect them from obesity. To substantiate, the exercises
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
low and promote a healthy metabolism
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is possible
Possible spelling mistake found.
oly
if they
are done
properly
. The inclusion of such courses from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the children in keeping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
low, maintain proper posture and avoiding the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of injury. To illustrate, a study conducted by Association of High
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
in Washington State which had participation from three hundred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
of the region established a fact that following a
properly
designed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
and instructions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of various diseases in children.

To conclude
, it can
be encapsulated
that the making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to form
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits to take care of one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
for the whole lifespan,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
educate children about the significance of quantified nutrition. These benefits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the children in long run which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the chance of getting diseases and
Possible spelling mistake found.
indirecly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
ever increasing
burden from country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care system.
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IELTS essay Over the past few years obesity has become one of the causes of health issues in people for which they need help from the health care system. Few people suggest that the physical education lessons should be made a part of the school curriculum which would help keeing the ailm

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
451 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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