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The num of people who are at risk of serious health problems.

The num of people who are at risk of serious health problems. YLGWj
In the contemporary world, a fundamental setback amid some populations are health issues, such as HIV/AIDS, and more recently, the SARS-COV-19 pandemic. Indeed, a gigantic number of individuals are at risk due to the lack of enough inputs to combat those illnesses. In this essay, I will discuss this phenomenon and explain from my point of view why it is taking place. To begin with, if basics rights were guaranteed to people, essential diseases could be controlled under prophylactic measures. For instance, in Nigeria, as a result of the non-encouragement of condom's use by the government, the spreading of the Human Immunodeficiency Virus has increased in the 21st century. Moreover, country cities in Amazonia State, in Brazil, due to the lack of incentive for schooling, the prostitution rate has risen among juveniles in the last 10 years, thus, increasing the rate of HIV positive youngsters. Furthermore, there are other basic rights that have not been respected, collaborating with the development of emergent health problems. To illustrate this, one notable justification would be the Brazilian president encouraging the population to avoid getting vaccines against the new coronavirus. Because of this, since the greatest majority of native Brazilians are off of school and, hence, can not read, they will hardly create critical sense. Moreover, having a negationist figure as an influence must lead to a larger numb of people at risk of getting sick. To sum up, there are a lot of individuals on the verge of having serious health issues related to, fundamentally, lack of basic rights. As aforementioned, the government has a major role in the development of those illnesses. Therefore, the Union must pay attention to society and present measures to mitigate these problems.
In the contemporary world, a fundamental setback amid
some
populations are health issues, such as HIV/AIDS, and more recently, the SARS-COV-19 pandemic.
Indeed
, a gigantic number of individuals are at
risk
due to the lack of
enough
inputs to combat those illnesses. In this essay, I will discuss this phenomenon and
explain
from my point of view why it is taking place.

To
begin
with, if basics rights
were guaranteed
to
people
, essential diseases could
be controlled
under prophylactic measures.
For instance
, in Nigeria,
as a result
of the non-encouragement of condom's
use
by the
government
, the spreading of the Human Immunodeficiency Virus has increased in the 21st century.
Moreover
, country cities in
Amazonia
State, in Brazil, due to the lack of incentive for schooling, the prostitution rate has risen among juveniles in the last 10 years,
thus
, increasing the rate of HIV
positive
youngsters.

Furthermore
, there are other basic rights that have not
been respected
, collaborating with the development of emergent health problems. To illustrate this, one notable justification would be the Brazilian president encouraging the population to avoid getting vaccines against the new coronavirus.
Because of this
, since the greatest majority of native Brazilians are off of school and,
hence
, can not read, they will hardly create critical sense.
Moreover
, having a
negationist
figure as an influence
must
lead to a larger numb of
people
at
risk
of getting sick.

To sum up, there are
a lot of
individuals on the verge of having serious health issues related to,
fundamentally
, lack of basic rights. As aforementioned, the
government
has a major role in the development of those illnesses.
Therefore
, the Union
must
pay attention to society and present measures to mitigate these problems.
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IELTS essay The num of people who are at risk of serious health problems.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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