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The museum is divided into two types, from the government and private. Many private museums are charging for admission whilst the museum from the government is free. I certainly believe that applying the policy about charging visitors for entrance can bring many benefits to the museum.

The museum is divided into two types, from the government and private. Many private museums are charging for admission whilst the museum from the government is free. I certainly believe that applying the policy about charging visitors for entrance can bring many benefits to the museum. qLRx5
The museum is divided into two types, from the government and private. Many private museums are charging for admission whilst the museum from the government is free. I certainly believe that applying the policy about charging visitors for entrance can bring many benefits to the museum. As can be seen, museums need various things that can make the museums look attractive. In other words, museums need more facilities. For example, they should build some restrooms around the museum for tourists to take a rest. Besides, they also should add many recreational facilities for children or adults such as a playground and cafeteria for having lunch. They should clean and keep all of the history items in the museum. For example, a painting needs a professional person to clean it, which needs more money to pay that person. In addition, they need to renovate everything that is destroyed by something that is natural, perhaps they should renovate the rooftop that is already broken by the wind like that. Another reason is the museum needs to give salaries for all of the staff that work. Therefore the museum needs to charge tourists to enter the museum. On the other hand, there are also many museums that do not charge a fee from tourists to enter museums which usually belong to the government to keep and conserve the historical objects. Free entry from the museum will attract many visitors to come and see the objects. It will bring many impacts to that country and the guests. People will gain more knowledge about the historical arts and more people will come to that country or city because they want to see the beautiful arts in that museum. To conclude, the admission charge will bring several advantages for its museum. It makes the museum more conserved and has better facilities. However, it will make fewer people go there.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is divided
into two types, from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and private.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are charging for admission whilst the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is free. I
certainly
believe that applying the policy about charging visitors for entrance can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to the museum.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
various things that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
look attractive.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
more facilities.
For example
, they should build
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restrooms around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
for tourists to take a rest.
Besides
, they
also
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
recreational facilities for children or adults such as a playground and cafeteria for having lunch. They should clean and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
Consider using "all the".
all of the
history items in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
For example
, a painting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
a professional person to clean it, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
more money to pay that person.
In addition
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to renovate everything
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
by something
that is
natural, perhaps they should renovate the rooftop
that is
already broken by the wind like that. Another reason is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to give salaries for
Consider using "all the".
all of the
staff that work.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to charge tourists to enter the museum.

On the other hand
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
that do not charge a fee from tourists to enter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
which
usually
belong to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
and conserve the historical objects. Free entry from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
will attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
visitors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the objects. It will bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
impacts to that country and the guests.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
will gain more knowledge about the historical arts and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to that country or city
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
arts in that museum.

To conclude
, the admission charge will bring several advantages for its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
more conserved and has better facilities.
However
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
fewer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
go there.
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IELTS essay The museum is divided into two types, from the government and private. Many private museums are charging for admission whilst the museum from the government is free. I certainly believe that applying the policy about charging visitors for entrance can bring many benefits to the museum.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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