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Purpose of study master's degree in Korea

Purpose of study master's degree in Korea aqJPV
My full name is Muslimbek Urmonjonov. I was born in the year of 1997 in Andijan, Uzbekistan. Currently I am a senior student at Andijan state university in English language and literature faculty, 25th of the following month(on June 25, 2021. ) I will graduate this bachelor degree, having done it I have a desire to continiue my master degree at Changwon National university, for the reason I have grown with interest in language since childhood, so my results were better in English compared to other subjects. Regarding hobbies I m a bookworm, I thoroughly enjoy reading wide range of books and I try to find books which are useful to improve my English. Except for that I am keen on football, and I watch every crucial match of England primer league, that also help me to increase my skills. Furthermore duration of school period I attended to football trainings in order to be great footballer, unfortunately because of some injuries, I had to give up, however I have a hope related to football that many youth are being transferred to abroad by teams and they are facing problem of language there, so studied at university to learn how to teach English to help children learn this language easily, then the next step is for master degree in Korea. There I am planning to learn the country's education system and studying materials on the purpose of exchanging with my own country's. I am going to establish a new uncommon but beneficial book in the future with the help of your university Changwon National University Turning to my family, I have an extended family that in turn consists of parents and siblings. It is important to note that my family members are proponents of fostering harmonious relationship. My family is well-prepared to provide me with unstinting support in times of adversity and hardship. I ascribe my resolution to apply for Changwon National University to a large number of primary reasons. Firstly, I greatly appreciate the university owing to its enviable reputation and the quality of education. Secondly, being a successful entrepreneur demands creativity, innovations and a strong execution strategy, which are the skills I can develop in while studying at Changwon National University over the courses of 2 years in the university
My full name is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Muslimbek
Possible spelling mistake found.
Urmonjonov
. I
was born
in the year of 1997 in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Andijan
, Uzbekistan.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Currently
I am a senior student at
Possible spelling mistake found.
Andijan
state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
in English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and literature faculty, 25th of the following month(on June 25, 2021.
Loose punctuation mark.
)
I will graduate this bachelor degree, having done it I have a desire to
Possible spelling mistake found.
continiue
my master degree at
Possible spelling mistake found.
Changwon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
National
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, for the reason I have grown with interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
since childhood,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
my results were
Use "good at" to mean "skilled" with school subjects. Try this: "better at English".
better in English
compared to other subjects. Regarding
The comma is probably missing here: "hobbies, I".
hobbies I
m a bookworm, I
thoroughly
enjoy reading wide range of books and I try to find books which are useful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my English.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Except for
that I am keen on football, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
every crucial match of England primer league, that
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me to increase my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
duration of school period I attended to football trainings in order to be great footballer, unfortunately
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
injuries, I had to give up,
however
I have a hope related to football that
Possible agreement error. The noun youth seems to be countable; consider using: "many youths".
many youth
are
being transferred
to abroad by
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
teams and
they are facing problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
there,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
studied at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to learn how to teach English to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
children learn this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
easily
, then the
next
step is for master degree in Korea. There I am planning to learn the country's education system and studying materials on the purpose of exchanging with my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country's. I am going to establish a new uncommon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
beneficial book in the future with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
Possible spelling mistake found.
Changwon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
National
University

Turning to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, I have an extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
that in turn consists of parents and siblings. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to note that my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members are proponents of fostering harmonious relationship. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is well-prepared to provide me with unstinting support in times of adversity and hardship.

I ascribe my resolution to apply for
Possible spelling mistake found.
Changwon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
National
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
to
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
primary reasons.
Firstly
, I
greatly
appreciate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
owing to its enviable reputation and the quality of education.
Secondly
, being a successful entrepreneur demands creativity, innovations and a strong execution strategy, which are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
I can develop in while studying at
Possible spelling mistake found.
Changwon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
National
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
over the courses of 2 years in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
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IELTS essay Purpose of study master's degree in Korea

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
380 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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