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The most beautiful girl in town

The most beautiful girl in town ElLLq
Once upon a time I spend dreaming days thinking in this girl who was in the same class as me. Her name was Deborah but all of my friends used to call her "Vampire" because she had white toned skin and, when we were in second grade she bite another boy from a upper class because he was picking up her. She stood right there by herself and bit right away the arm of the other kid. I thought he would start to bleed after seeing how feral Debs went out. Since that day I could not think in another matter that was no her. I was thrilled by her strength and determination. It's really funny to think about it now, but I guess she was my first crush.
Once upon a time I spend dreaming days thinking in this girl who was in the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
as me. Her name was Deborah
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
all of my friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to call her
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Vampire
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she had white toned skin and, when we were in second grade she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "bites", "bit".
bite
another boy from
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
upper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he was picking up her. She stood right there by herself and
It seems that an article is missing.
bit
right away the arm of the other kid. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
he would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to bleed after seeing how feral Debs went out.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
that day I could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in another matter that was
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "her ." or "no ."?
no her.
I
was thrilled
by her strength and determination. It's
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I guess she was my
first
crush.

IELTS essay The most beautiful girl in town

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
129 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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