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The media is increasing interest in famous people who have ordinary backgrounds. Why do you think people are interested in the lives of famous people? Do you think this is a good thing? v.5

The media is increasing interest in famous people who have ordinary backgrounds. Why do you think people are interested in the lives of famous people? Do you think this is a good thing? v. 5
The growing interest of the public to the celebrities without any outstanding backgrounds is being increasingly witnessed these days. In this essay, I shall discuss the main cause why this change has occurred and explain why I believe it could be a positive tendency once governments give proper guidance. There are numerous compelling reasons why this is happening and the prominent one is that people are always curious about how would successful individuals in various areas utilize their valuable time and maintain a work-life balance as some ideas and thoughts could be beneficial for the common people who wants to pursue a higher achievement in their life. For instance, a recent survey conducted in Japan has revealed that 80% of the people believe that paying attention on celebrity’s daily life enables them to keep themselves motivated because they want to be similar to the famous people. As a result, this tendency is currently increasing in recent years. Looking at this in a big picture, our society could be positively affected by this development. The crucial beneficial factor of this trend is that people with ordinary backgrounds can learn many valuable lessons from successful people, such as time management and improving productivity. Take myself for example, I have learnt many useful and beneficial skills, then find myself a real motivation to work harder in the future after knowing Jack Ma’s daily work schedule. As can be seen, this development has a profound impact on us. To sum up, the trend of people paying attention to famous people’s life is ubiquitous nowadays. This essay discussed the reason why it is happening and also explained why it could be a positive development for us.
The growing interest of the public to the celebrities without any outstanding backgrounds is being
increasingly
witnessed these days. In this essay, I shall discuss the main cause why this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has occurred and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I believe it could be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
tendency once
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
give proper guidance.

There are numerous compelling reasons why this is happening and the prominent one is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are always curious about how would successful individuals in various areas utilize their valuable time and maintain a work-life balance as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and thoughts could be beneficial for the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "want"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
wants
to pursue a higher achievement in their life.
For instance
, a recent survey conducted in Japan has revealed that 80% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that paying attention on celebrity’s daily life enables them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves motivated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to be similar to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
As a result
, this tendency is
currently
increasing in recent years.

Looking at this in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
picture, our society could be
positively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by this development. The crucial beneficial factor of this trend is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with ordinary backgrounds can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
valuable lessons from successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, such as time management and improving productivity. Take myself
for example
, I have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
useful and beneficial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, then find myself a real motivation to work harder in the future after knowing Jack Ma’s daily work schedule. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, this development has a profound impact on us.

To sum up, the trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
paying attention to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life is ubiquitous nowadays. This essay discussed the reason why it is happening and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
why it could be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development for us.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay The media is increasing interest in famous people who have ordinary backgrounds. Why do you think people are interested in the lives of famous people? Do you think this is a good thing? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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