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The manufactured edible products containing high levels of sugar can cause a number of health complications. To restrict people from consuming more such sugary products, they must be made more costly.

The manufactured edible products containing high levels of sugar can cause a number of health complications. To restrict people from consuming more such sugary products, they must be made more costly. GJq9x
The manufactured edible products containing high levels of sugar can cause a number of health complications. To restrict people from consuming more such sugary products, they must be made more costly. In my opinion, this may not be a pragmatic approach. To support my view, let's discuss few points in detail. Firstly, checking in history, it is evident that people find some or other way to get the food of interest. Since, sweet food is a major part of todays diet, it is impossible to remove such component for one's food. For example, let's consider alcohol and tabaco which are injuries to health. Many governments tried to control it by hiking the rates. As a result, demand for such items in black market has peaked. Similarly, increasing prices will lead to a lot of demand black market which is further more difficult to control. Second, most of food and drink companies contribute a significant role in countries economy. Increasing the value of such goods may disturb the market, leading to instability and chaos. For example, let's say if the prices of products of companies like cocola which play a key player in soft drink industry across many countries are doubled. This change in price will effect the revenue of the companies and in turn the government's income. Such acts may lead to economic depression as these organizations are key industries in some countries. Adding up, there are many other forms of sugar which are less harmful to health. Incorporating such innovations may help solve this problem just by replacing the harmful sweetening agents with better substances. For example, there are many sweeting products available in the market that replace sugar in tea and home cooked food for diabetic patients. Usage of such items can easily solve this issue. To conclude, surge in price of these commodities may not be the optimal way to restrict the public from consuming the sugary products. Therefore, is best if more innovative practices are involved in manufacturing such foods is better than making harsh judgements such as price hiking.
The manufactured edible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
containing high levels of sugar can cause a number of health complications. To restrict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from consuming more such sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be made
more costly. In my opinion, this may not be a pragmatic approach. To support my view,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's discuss few points in detail.

Firstly
, checking in history, it is evident that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
or other way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
of interest. Since, sweet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is a major part of
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
diet, it is impossible to remove such component for one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's consider alcohol and
Possible spelling mistake found.
tabaco
which are injuries to health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
tried to control it by hiking the rates.
As a result
, demand for such items in black
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
has peaked.
Similarly
, increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
will lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
demand black
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
which is
further
more difficult to control.

Second, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and drink
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
contribute a significant role in countries economy. Increasing the value of such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
may disturb the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
, leading to instability and chaos.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's say if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
like
Possible spelling mistake found.
cocola
which play a key player in soft drink industry across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
are doubled
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
will
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
the revenue of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and in turn the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's income. Such acts may lead to economic depression as these organizations are key industries in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries.

Adding up, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other forms of sugar which are less harmful to health. Incorporating such innovations may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
solve this problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by replacing the harmful sweetening agents with better substances.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
sweeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
available in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
that replace sugar in tea and home cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for diabetic patients. Usage of such items can
easily
solve this issue.

To conclude
, surge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of these commodities may not be the optimal way to restrict the public from consuming the sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Therefore
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "is the best".
is best
if more innovative practices
are involved
in manufacturing such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
is better than making harsh judgements such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
hiking.
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IELTS essay The manufactured edible products containing high levels of sugar can cause a number of health complications. To restrict people from consuming more such sugary products, they must be made more costly.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
344 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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