Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The lost birthday present

The lost birthday present K0a1L
it happened when I was 6. I spent a month choosing a colored pencil case for Linh - my first friend I made in primary school. I wrapped the gift with a newspaper by myself so it looked kinda funny. but unfortunately, the housemaid thought it was just an old newspaper so she threw it away. I looked everywhere even the garbage house but I couldn't find it. so I decided to come to Linh's birthday party with a small birthday card. I cried and told her everything about the gift I have lost, but what she told me at that moment made me want to tell this story. "Don't worry, the gift hasn't been lost, it is still here somewhere on this earth. And just pretend that I already got it okay". That's it, my story about the gift I have lost.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
happened when I was 6. I spent a month choosing a colored pencil case for
Possible spelling mistake found.
Linh
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
my
first
friend I made in primary school. I wrapped the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
with a newspaper by myself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it looked kinda
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but
unfortunately, the housemaid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
newspaper
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
she threw it away. I looked everywhere even the garbage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I couldn't find it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Linh
's birthday party with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
birthday card. I cried and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
her everything about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
I have lost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
what she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me at that moment made me want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
this story.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Don't worry, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
hasn't
been lost
, it is
still
here somewhere on this earth. And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
pretend that I already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
it okay
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. That's it, my story about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
I have lost.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay The lost birthday present

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
143 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts
  • 6band
    The exploration and development of safe fossil
    Safe alternatives such as renewable energy playes vital role not only in clear environment but also available in lower cost. It is believed by some people that reserach and contruction of safe alternatives to fossil fuel ough to necessary world wide priority in contemporary era. I am quite incline w...
  • 6band
    climate change in China cuaese and problem
    Introduction: It is stated that climate change is one of the 17 goals that the United Nations Commission declared in 2015. It is viewed as a serious and urgent issue not only for the developed countries, but also for the whole world, particularly in terms of sustainable development. There might be ...
  • 5band
    National recycling rates, us, 1960 to 2011
    The rendered linear is a statistical representation which delineates federal recycling amount in United States from year 1960 to 2011 and units are measured in millions tons. Overall, it is manifested that the waste recovery came at the top of the list as the higher in cycling rates. Whereas, percen...
  • 5band
    Lack of fresh water, problem it causes and measures could be taken to overcome these problems.
    Water scarcity is becoming the significant problem around the world. The government needs to take measures to manage this scarcity of water. One of the main reasons of the water scarcity is due to the climate change such as floods and storms which can result increases in the polluted water. Pollute...
  • 6band
    Some people think that students in single-sex schools provide children with better social skills for adults life.
    It is said that modern parents prefer their children register to the single-sex schools to mixed schools due to the high quality given. On the contrary, some people dispute that it will lack of social life skill in the future as a result. From my point of view, two genders tend to live in one class ...
  • 5band
    Teenagers works in the house
    Although most of the teenagers and children don’t have any additional tasks instead of their school works, Teenagers in previous decades have lots of works to do It was a common way that they lived. They had to go shopping, do lots of housework in addition young boys went to their parents work and h...





Get more results for topic:
  • The lost birthday present