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Nowadays, the reason for a person to become well-known is that he or she is glamorous

Nowadays, the reason for a person to become well-known is that he or she is glamorous awlPP
Nowadays, the reason for a person to become well-known is that he or she is glamorous, attractive and wealthy instead of creating actual value in most of the cases, and some people are of the fact that regarding the celebrities as role models can misguide and eventually affect juveniles in a negative way. From my perspective, we can take them as an example in some aspects but pursuing to be exactly like them can be problematic. First of all, on the positive side, some celebrities do have some certain characteristics and personailities to help them to become famous in their area or field. For instance, it takes a lot of effort and time to be good at a skill, such as singing and acting which most celebrities are famous for. Generally speaking, It is even more time-consuming and requires more effort to actually get famous. That certainly takes a lot of determination so we can take them as an example when we need to persist in the persuit of worthy goals. Secondly, people who are famous usually show great confidence in themselves and are not afraid to stand on stage or to express their opinions. So they can be a role model to teenagers who are shy. However, as sensible human beings, we should not blindly follow and do whatever these celebrities do. For example, it make no sense to take a cosmetic surgery in order to look like a beautiful or handsome star because their face can only bring fame for a short time. In addition, everyone has various lives and the life that is suitable to celebrities are not suitable to us. For instance, we should not buy the luxury cars or clothes that we cannot afford to pursue lifestyles of celebrities. Unfortunately, due to the misleading advertisements with celebrities, teenagers might end up buying something that creates extra financial burden for their family. Moreover, stars might not always do the right thing and have bad social influence, and without learning the values of right and wrongs, taking them as a example can generate harmful effect. All in all, we should use critial thinking we look at the celebrities and take them as our example in some field according to our
Nowadays, the reason for a person to become well-known is that he or she is glamorous, attractive and wealthy
instead
of creating actual value in most of the cases, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the fact that regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
as role models can misguide and
eventually
affect juveniles in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way. From my perspective, we can take them as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
pursuing to be exactly like them can be problematic.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
do have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain characteristics and
Possible spelling mistake found.
personailities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
in their area or field.
For instance
, it takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort and time to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, such as singing and acting which most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
for.
Generally
speaking, It is even more time-consuming and requires more effort to actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
. That
certainly
takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
determination
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we can take them as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
when we need to persist in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
persuit
of worthy goals.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
great confidence in themselves and are not afraid to stand on stage or to express their opinions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they can be a role model to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who are shy.

However
, as sensible human beings, we should not
blindly
follow and do whatever these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
do. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, it
Did you mean "makes"?
make
no sense to take a cosmetic surgery in order to look like a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
or handsome star
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their face can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bring fame for a short time.
In addition
, everyone has various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and the life
that is
suitable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are not suitable to us.
For instance
, we should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the luxury cars or clothes that we cannot afford to pursue lifestyles of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
. Unfortunately, due to the misleading advertisements with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up buying something that creates extra financial burden for their family.
Moreover
, stars might not always do the right thing and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
social influence, and without learning the values of right and wrongs, taking them as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
can generate harmful effect.

All in all, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Possible spelling mistake found.
critial
thinking we look at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
and take them as our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
field according to our
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IELTS essay Nowadays, the reason for a person to become well-known is that he or she is glamorous

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
372 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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