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the interest in history of building

the interest in history of building JY2nk
The history of the foundation of society is always interesting and cognitive for everyone. In my opinion, everybody should know oh and the history of the motherland. As my teacher said: “ We won't have a successful future without knowledge about our history” Honestly, I have a little bit of information about my building but I will solve this problem. I think people are becoming interested in finding out “key" closed-door”, which contains a lot of secrets. Everyone will be interested in who and how longleaf in the house, and which events were happened. We have some ways to research this. For example, trying to find out archives or documents of building. It can give enough information to provide the answers to questions we have a long-troubled in your thoughts. Also, you should interview your neighbours who lives a long time in this house or building. These people usually have a big experience and almost know all about the foundation of a house. In conclusion, I want to advise everyone to begin learning their own history because it helps to develop our eye-span.
The history of the foundation of society is always interesting and cognitive for everyone. In my opinion, everybody should know oh and the history of the motherland. As my teacher said:
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
We won't have a successful future without knowledge about our history”

Honestly
, I have a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
of information about my building
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I will solve this problem.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are becoming interested in finding out “key
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
closed-door”, which contains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
secrets. Everyone will
be interested
in who and how
Possible spelling mistake found.
longleaf
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, and which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
were happened
.

We have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways to research this.
For example
, trying to find out archives or documents of building. It can give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
information to provide the answers to questions we have a long-troubled in your thoughts.

Also
, you should interview your
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
who
Did you mean "live"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'neighbours' should be used.
lives
a long time in this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or building. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
usually
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
experience and almost know all about the foundation of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.

In conclusion
, I want to advise everyone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
learning their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
history
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to develop our eye-span.
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IELTS essay the interest in history of building

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
183 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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