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The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones?

The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones? bJ63
To be true, people are now making excessive use of mobile phones for a multiple of reasons such as gaming, conducting business related work and, last but not the least, interacting with their loved ones. This phenomenon has some merits as well as few demerits associated with it. Let us elaborate both of them in the appended paragraphs with my own narrative at last. Firstly, amongst disadvantages, some people complain about deterioration in their eyesight while others are having posture problems and extra-ordinary stress on their backbones. A recent study on the topic of side effects of mobile usage conducted by the “Agha Khan Hospital” shows that 4 out of every 10 children in Pakistan, using excessive mobile phones, are facing with the loss of vision. Moreover, a similar research conducted by the “Haq Orthopedic Center” in Lahore reveals an increase number of backbone patients whose screen time is more than 5 hours per day on their cell phones. Now, if we look at the other side, we can observe that increased usage of smart phones is benefiting all stake holders: individuals and businesses a like, that is, it is saving both time and cost of both ends in more than one ways. Increased number of users and revenues of various e-commerce and social media platforms like Amazon and Facebook are the sheer examples of this reality. In conclusion, according to my view point, it would be befitting to say that problems associated with the excessive usage of mobile phones supersede its benefits because health is wealth and one cannot take advantage of their smart phones if he/she is not able to use it due to some eye or backbone related disease.
To be true,
people
are
now
making excessive
use
of mobile
phones
for a multiple of reasons such as gaming, conducting business related work and, last
but
not the least, interacting with their
loved
ones. This phenomenon has
some
merits
as well
as few demerits associated with it.
Let
us elaborate both of them in the appended paragraphs with my
own
narrative at last.

Firstly
, amongst disadvantages,
some
people
complain about deterioration in their eyesight while others are having posture problems and extra-ordinary
stress
on their backbones. A recent study on the topic of side effects of mobile usage conducted by the “
Agha
Khan Hospital”
shows
that 4 out of every 10 children in Pakistan, using excessive mobile
phones
, are facing with the loss of vision.
Moreover
, a similar research conducted by the “
Haq
Orthopedic Center” in Lahore reveals an increase number of backbone patients whose screen time is more than 5 hours per day on their cell phones.

Now
, if we look at the other side, we can observe that increased usage of smart
phones
is benefiting all stake holders: individuals and businesses a like,
that is
, it is saving both time and cost of both ends in more than
one ways
. Increased number of users and revenues of various e-commerce and social media platforms like Amazon and Facebook are the sheer examples of this reality.

In conclusion
, according to my view point, it would be befitting to say that problems associated with the excessive usage of mobile
phones
supersede its benefits
because
health is wealth and one cannot take advantage of their smart
phones
if he/she is not able to
use
it due to
some
eye or backbone related disease.
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IELTS essay The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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