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The high levels of violence in films have brought serious social problems. What are these problems? How could they be reduced?

The high levels of violence in films have brought serious social problems. What are these problems? How could they be reduced? rYlR2
As a result of the revolution of science & technology, many children addicted to watch movies and improve their knowledge on various subjects. Because of the content of these movies, Many children will become mentally unstable persons from their childhood. One major problem in our society is child abusing. According to current situation, there are cases such as brother tries to abuse his own sister, father abused his own daughter and etc. Even some teachers abused their students. Major reason for these incidents is these abusers got knowledge & watch by watching movies which include the content of how to abuse someone & how to get self-satisfaction by abusing. And also there are so many social problems implemented because of the films which teach how to do a crime without getting caught and how to satisfy theirselves. If someone watch a movie which regards to a bank robbery, then he try to be a millionaire by doing a bank robbery. Because that movie include how to do a bank robbery without getting caught step by step. As per my point of view to reduce these serious social problems, Government should implement new rules and regulations. These regulations should ban the films which contains high levels of violence such as child abusing, robberies, suicides, killing for money & etc. If government promulgate a regulated body to release films to society under strict regulations, it will be a huge impact for reducing these social problems. If the government can restrict the films which contains inappropriate scenes, it will be a huge impact on reducing serious social problems. If the government mainly foucus on the mental condition of children, it will become more efficient.
As a result
of the revolution of science & technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children addicted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge on various subjects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the content of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
children will become mentally unstable persons from their childhood.

One major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in our society is child abusing. According to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation, there are cases such as brother tries to abuse his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
sister, father abused his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
daughter
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
teachers abused their students. Major reason for these incidents is these abusers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
knowledge &
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
by watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
which include the content of how to abuse someone & how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
self-satisfaction by abusing.

And
also
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
implemented
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the films which teach how to do a crime without getting caught and how to satisfy
Possible spelling mistake found.
theirselves
. If someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "watches", "watched".
watch
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
which regards to a bank
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
robbery
, then he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "tries", "tried".
try
to be a millionaire by doing a bank
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
robbery
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
include how to do a bank
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
robbery
without getting caught step by step.

As per my point of view to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
these serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should implement new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations. These regulations should ban the films which contains high levels of violence such as child abusing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
robberies
, suicides, killing for money & etc. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
promulgate a regulated body to release films to society under strict regulations, it will be a huge impact for reducing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
problems.

If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can restrict the films which contains inappropriate scenes, it will be a huge impact on reducing serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
If
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
mainly
Possible spelling mistake found.
foucus
on the mental condition of children, it will become more efficient.
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IELTS essay The high levels of violence in films have brought serious social problems. What are these problems? How could they be reduced?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
281 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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