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The graph shows the number of cases of X disease in Someland between the years 1960 and 1995. v.1

The graph shows the number of cases of X disease in Someland between the years 1960 and 1995. v. 1
Over the last few years, People have stopped exercising. This is because they are not getting time to work out. There are many people who believe that exercise plays a significant role in everyone's life. In this essay I will discuss about the causes of not getting regular exercise, and also suggest some solutions for this issue. One of the factors for not getting regular exercise is due to lack of time. This is because of working long hours at work environment. For Example, In IT industry, usually Professionals work from 9. 00 am to 6. 00 pm. They spend most of the day at the office, and they don't get time to work out. To solve this, Industry experts should come forward and allot an hour for exercise. This would help the employees' health in a long run. If they don't take this step, this may show an effect an employee's health. Some people are not aware of the benefits of doing exercise regularly. For Example, People who live in village areas don't know about the importance of exercise. To solve this, government should take responsibility to bring awareness among public. As a result, people would start exercising, which improves their body resistance. In conclusion, Anyone can do exercise irrespective of gender. Regular Exercise improves the immunity power of the body, and also boost up the confidence levels. Every Individual should take this as their responsibility, and try to do exercise regularly. The government also should take a step to start some exercise programs at work place for their employees.
Over the last few years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
exercising. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not getting time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
out. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
plays a significant role in everyone's life. In this essay I will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
causes of not getting regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, and
also
suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions for this issue.

One of the factors for not getting regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is due to lack of time. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of working long hours at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment.
For Example
, In IT industry,
usually
Professionals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from 9. 00 am to 6. 00 pm. They spend most of the day at the office, and they don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
out. To solve this, Industry experts should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward and allot an hour for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the employees' health in a long run. If they don't take this step, this may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
an effect an employee's health.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not aware of the benefits of doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
regularly
.
For Example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in village areas don't know about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. To solve this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take responsibility to bring awareness among public.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
exercising, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their body resistance.

In conclusion
, Anyone can do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
irrespective of gender. Regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Exercise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the immunity power of the body, and
also
boost up the confidence levels. Every Individual should take this as their responsibility, and try to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
regularly
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
should take a step to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
programs at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place for their employees.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph shows the number of cases of X disease in Someland between the years 1960 and 1995. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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