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The graph below shows the student involvement in three sports in a school based on which grades they are studying in. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The graph below shows the student involvement in three sports in a school based on which grades they are studying in.
From my point of view, new discoveries cannot be limited; in particular, new innovative technological devices have increased and being developed every day. Transportation is one of the most important discoveries in the world and has made it possible to have a modern world. In my opinion train is the most significant innovation in the past 2 centuries in the transportation field. Transportation has been a prominent part of humankind and the demand for new and more comfortable vehicles made people discover life-enhancing transportation innovations. Over the past 200 years, transportation has been reformed from ordinary trains to more complicated and developed magnetic trains. In my opinion, all vehicles such as cars, trains, airplanes or ships have their own importance for people. Consequently, cars are undoubtedly predominant in our daily life as these vehicles are comfortable and have adequate speed. Plains or ships comprise the majority in the transportation of loads. Furthermore, travelling to short-distanced places is more optimal by trains. So, those vehicles specialise in particular areas. From my perspective, the most remarkable transportation vehicle which has specialised in its area is the train. In particular, fast trains of modern days. These trains have been discovered by Chinese engineers and are spreading around the world and are being utilised by many other countries. The advantage of these trains is that they are too fast. Also, it can be clearly understood from its name which is ‘fast train’. That train's speed makes it easier to travel between places without wasting time. And developers are trying to discover a new magnetic train which can travel faster in the future. To sum up, humankind was always in search for new innovations and transportation discoveries have changed over the past 2 centuries and fast trains are the most significant innovations in my opinion.
From my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
discoveries cannot
be limited
;
in particular
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
innovative technological devices have increased and
being developed
every day.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Transportation
is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
discoveries in the world and has made it possible to have a modern world. In my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
is the most significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovation
in the past 2 centuries in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
field.

Transportation has been a prominent part of humankind and the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
and more comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
discover life-enhancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovations
. Over the past 200 years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
has
been reformed
from ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
to more complicated and developed magnetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
. In my opinion, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
such as cars,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
, airplanes or ships have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
importance for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Consequently
, cars are
undoubtedly
predominant in our daily life as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
are comfortable and have adequate speed. Plains or ships comprise the majority in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
of loads.
Furthermore
, travelling to short-distanced places is more optimal by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialise' is British English.
specialise
in particular
areas.

From my perspective, the most remarkable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicle
which has
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialised' is British English.
specialised
in its area is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
.
In particular
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
of modern days. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
have
been discovered
by Chinese engineers and are spreading around the world and are being
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other countries. The advantage of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
is that they are too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
.
Also
, it can be
clearly
understood from its name which is ‘
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train’
. That train's speed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easier to travel between places without wasting time. And developers are trying to discover a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
magnetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
which can travel faster in the future.

To sum up, humankind was always in search for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovations
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
discoveries have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
over the past 2 centuries and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
are the most significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovations
in my opinion.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph below shows the student involvement in three sports in a school based on which grades they are studying in.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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