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The graph below shows the amounts spent on apparel on the Internet in the USA and Japan between 1999 and 2003. v.1

The graph below shows the amounts spent on apparel on the Internet in the USA and Japan between 1999 and 2003. v. 1
Educational Institution is the pillar for better future and this pillar is built in the early years of a student's life. These days, few secondary school follow a dress code for their students, whereas others believe casual dressing is appropriate. This essay supports wearing school uniform instead of students wearing the clothes of their choice. The below paragraphs will discuss this argument in detail. To begin with, schools are distinguished based on the uniform their students wear. This helps to identify students during an inter-school events or programs. The students who participate in such competitions represents their school wearing their school uniform. Second, wearing uniform will not distract students from their studies. This will make them focus their attention on homework and exams, and not waste time in choosing what to wear to school. To quote an instance, as per 'The Times Newspaper' survey schools having mandatory uniform records cent percent results than those who have other policy. On the other hand, some schools allow students to wear what they like. This results in students having a casual approach towards the curriculum because of which they lose interest in their studies and focus more on fashion. Additionally, there are a few students who belong to poor families and cannot afford expensive clothes. This can give rise to inferiority complex among the students. For example, few students commit suicide because of being ragged at school by kids belonging to upper class family. To conclude, uniforms should be a mandatory at schools as students who have freedom of wearing casual clothes at school will not make them disciplined and concentrate on their studies.
Educational Institution is the pillar for better future and this pillar
is built
in the early years of a student's life. These days, few secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
follow a dress code for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, whereas others believe casual dressing is appropriate. This essay supports wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
wearing the clothes of their choice. The below paragraphs will discuss this argument in detail.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are distinguished
based on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
wear. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to identify
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
during an inter-school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
or programs. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
participate in such competitions represents their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
wearing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
. Second, wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
will not distract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from their studies. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them focus their attention on homework and exams, and not waste time in choosing what to wear to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. To quote an instance, as per 'The Times Newspaper' survey
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
having mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
records cent percent results than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have other policy.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to wear what they like. This results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
having a casual approach towards the curriculum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which they lose interest in their studies and focus more on fashion.
Additionally
, there are a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
belong to poor families and cannot afford expensive clothes. This can give rise to inferiority complex among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For example
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
commit suicide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
being ragged
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
by kids belonging to upper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
family.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
should be a mandatory at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have freedom of wearing casual clothes at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them disciplined and concentrate on their studies.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph below shows the amounts spent on apparel on the Internet in the USA and Japan between 1999 and 2003. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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