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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?The government should require all young adults to perform some kind of national service, such as military service or social work.Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

The government should require all young adults to perform some kind of national service, such as military service or social work. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. oR1JX
National services have a tremendous impact on our progress and well-being. In fact, they can enhance our success in immeasurable ways because they encompass our core values. Therefore. I totally agree that the government should require all young adults to perform some kind of national service, such as military service or social work. To begin with, national services can make young adults more strong, independent, confident. In addition, they can solve any obstacle that may face, due to the fact that they already earned a lot of training in their period of the institute and they have an opportunity to build up all the bonds to be more confident. For example, if a person recruited in an army, he would be more confident and had more responsibility than a person that didn't get a chance to serve there. Although a lot of people might disagree with this opinion they would notice a big difference between an adult went already to the military and an adult had not. Consequently, national services have a crucial effect on people life because they enhance their confidence and independence. A second exquisite point to be mentioned here is that national services would make people more socialize and ameliorate their relationship with other people. Admittedly, these kinds of services would enhance communication with people who had the same situation. In another word, when people are on the same duty, at the same time, they can feel each other and share the same empathy. So, national services have an important effect on society because they would increase the relationship bonds between people. Due to the aforementioned reasons, I adamantly agree that The government should require all young adults to perform some kind of national service, such as military service or social work.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
National
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
have a tremendous impact on our progress and well-being. In fact, they can enhance our success in immeasurable ways
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they encompass our core values.
Therefore
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should require all young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
, such as military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
or social work.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
more strong, independent, confident.
In addition
, they can solve any obstacle that may face, due to the fact that they already earned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
training in their period of the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
institute and
they have an opportunity to build up all the bonds to be more confident.
For example
, if a person recruited in an army, he would be more confident and had more responsibility than a person that didn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to serve there. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might disagree with this opinion they would notice a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
difference between an adult went already to the military and an adult had not.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
have a crucial effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they enhance their confidence and independence.

A second exquisite point to
be mentioned
here is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more socialize and ameliorate their relationship with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Admittedly
, these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
would enhance communication with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who had the same situation. In another word, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are on the same duty, at the same time, they can feel each other and share the same empathy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
effect on society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would increase the relationship bonds between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Due to the aforementioned reasons, I
adamantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should require all young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
, such as military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
or social work.
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IELTS essay The government should require all young adults to perform some kind of national service, such as military service or social work. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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