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agree or disagree one should start doing a secure job compared to waiting for a satisfied job

agree or disagree one should start doing a secure job compared to waiting for a satisfied job PVX9B
The time one spends on work is one the most crucial periods in life; as it can lead one to feel happy and satisfied and shape the ensuing life. Hence, one of the most controversial issues among many people is whether to find a secure income or to wait for the dreamy occupation. As far as I am concerned in the state of ambivalence, I might lean toward waiting for the preferred job. Conceivably, many people believe that one should start a job as soon as possible, however, many reasons such as the promotion chances and mood enhancement can declare a higher beneficiary of neglecting a non-satisfactory work. I will declare my statement in the following essay. First, promotions are advantageous parts of a job due to the satisfaction included in them. Better job positions can help to broaden the happiness and enrich one's life. To receive a promotion one needs to work with enjoyment and motivation for a long time in a work-place. Feelings such as satisfaction, responsibility, etc. are paramount for a promotion and one can not hold such feelings doing a normal job. Granted, a secure job leads to a secure income for a period, but better positions lead to more amount of money. As an illustrative example, some years ago when I was working at our company in Japan there was a co-worker named Sara, Sara entered the company at the age of 30. In the beginning, everyone assumed no improvement for her career along with a low income, but it was not true. Fortunately, Sara who was waiting for this position for a long time paved the steps faster than anybody and became our boss in less than two years. Sara's career path was meant to be dark, but loving her job she gained all the successes. As one can see, the amount of enjoyment influences the probability of promotions which associates with income. It is not presumptuous to judge one's mood regarding perceived enjoyment. No man can truly state that a person who loves his occupation enjoys his life the most, but it is evident that people who are happier tend to enjoy their work time the most. A man who always laughs at home might have experienced a great day at the office that is relevant to his work-satisfaction. My personal experiences are the foundation of my next point. The more one is satisfied with his job the more he is happy and it contributes to his level of relaxation. Surely, it is wiser to wait for a dream job than to neglect personal preferences and be always tensed at work. I am of the conviction that one needs promotions and a great mood to enjoy life. It is my personal suggestion and its effects are apparent in the amount of income and the tension decreases. Regarding the aforementioned reasons, I conclude that it is a better choice to wait for the job than doing any secure job, but a coin has two points and an edge to connect them, there are cases when one can not survive without an income and such situations should be considered, as well.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
one spends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the most crucial periods in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
; as it can lead one to feel happy and satisfied and shape the ensuing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Hence
, one of the most controversial issues among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
whether to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
or to wait for the dreamy occupation. As far as I
am concerned
in the state of ambivalence, I might lean toward waiting for the preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Conceivably
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that one should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons such as the promotion chances and mood enhancement can declare a higher beneficiary of neglecting a non-satisfactory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. I will declare my statement in the following essay.

First
, promotions are advantageous parts of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
due to the satisfaction included in them. Better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
positions can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to broaden the happiness and enrich one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. To receive a promotion one needs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with enjoyment and motivation for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in a work-place. Feelings such as satisfaction, responsibility, etc. are paramount for a promotion and one can not hold such feelings doing a normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Granted, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
leads to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
for a period,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
better positions lead to more amount of money. As an illustrative example,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
years ago when I was working at our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in Japan there was a co-worker named Sara, Sara entered the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
at the age of 30. In the beginning, everyone assumed no improvement for her career along with a low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was not true.
Fortunately
, Sara
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was waiting for this position for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
paved the steps faster than anybody and became our boss in less than two years. Sara's career path
was meant
to be dark,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
loving her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
she gained all the successes. As one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, the amount of enjoyment influences the probability of promotions which associates with income.

It is not presumptuous to judge one's mood regarding perceived enjoyment. No
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
can
truly
state that a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
his occupation enjoys his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
the most,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is evident that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are happier tend to enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
the most. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
always laughs at home might have experienced a great day at the office
that is
relevant to his work-satisfaction. My personal experiences are the foundation of my
next
point. The more one
is satisfied
with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
the more he is happy and it contributes to his level of relaxation.
Surely
, it is wiser to wait for a dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
than to neglect personal preferences and be always tensed at work.

I am of the conviction that one needs promotions and a great mood to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It is my personal suggestion and its effects are apparent in the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
and the tension decreases. Regarding the aforementioned reasons, I conclude that it is a better choice to wait for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
than doing any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a coin has two points and an edge to connect them, there are cases when one can not survive without an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
and such situations should
be considered
,
as well
.
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IELTS essay agree or disagree one should start doing a secure job compared to waiting for a satisfied job

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
526 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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