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Parents buy children a lot of toys these days. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this

Parents buy children a lot of toys these days. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this 9Ymlr
In recent days, parents purchase more toys for their children. The primary benefit of this is that playing with toys can improve children’s mental ability and motor functions. While the disadvantage is that it can make them lose focus on studies and affect their physical health. On the one hand, parents are buying more toys for their children nowadays. The advantage of more toys can be beneficial in the development of brain activities such as problem-solving, emotional intelligence, and IQ. Moreover, playing with such toys can stimulate their nerve response which may result in enhancing motor development. Another advantage is that different types of toys are beneficial for milestones. Hence, it has a positive effect on milestones development. For example, the occupational therapist includes toys in therapy sessions to boost cognitive development as well as motor learning approaches. On the other hand, there are many disadvantages of giving more toys to children. Firstly, having so many toys can affect children’s interest in studies while they are on toys. Secondly, they will be busy with indoor toys rather than outdoor activities which may make them physically unfit. The other disadvantage is that it may cause sibling fights over one specific toy. Furthermore, purchasing every toy that children want can make them greedy and it is also a waste of money for parents. In conclusion, parents are spending more money on toys. However, it can be beneficial for children which can help them to increase their cognitive development, motor functions, and emotional states.
In recent days, parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The primary benefit of this is that playing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
mental ability and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motor
functions. While the disadvantage is that it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them lose focus on studies and affect their physical health.

On the one hand, parents are buying more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays. The advantage of more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can be beneficial in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of brain activities such as problem-solving, emotional intelligence, and IQ.
Moreover
, playing with such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can stimulate their nerve response which may result in enhancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. Another advantage is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are beneficial for milestones.
Hence
, it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "milestones'" or "milestone's"?
milestones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
For example
, the occupational therapist includes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
in therapy sessions to boost cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motor
learning approaches.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages of giving more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
interest in studies while they are on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
.
Secondly
, they will be busy with indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
rather
than outdoor activities which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
physically
unfit. The other disadvantage is that it may cause sibling fights over one specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toy
.
Furthermore
, purchasing every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toy
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
want can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them greedy and it is
also
a waste of money for parents.

In conclusion
, parents are spending more money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
.
However
, it can be beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to increase their cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motor
functions, and emotional states.
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IELTS essay Parents buy children a lot of toys these days. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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