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Some people say International sports events help in world peace.

Some people say International sports events help in world peace. WyqMb
In my opinion, ever since the old times, when the sport was not so popularized, and only very developed powers could conduct sports contests, this was already an interesting type of activity and was quite popular. And now, when athletics are of interest to almost everyone, it really can be a way to build relationships. Firstly, countries organize different types of competitions among themselves to prove that one is better than the other. Global sporting events can unite people regardless of their views on politics or religion. And it helps to keep the world in peace till today. International sport can keep it in peace for many years, but we have to work on it. For example, the Olympic Games, countries from around the world are competing and trying to prove that they are better. But there are exceptions to this, we all love to win and a few who know how to lose, so such competitions can complicate relations between countries. Secondly, we all have a touch of nationalism when we want to show others that we and our country are better, but war is not the best way, and sport helps us again. Many wars based on nationalist beliefs could not be stopped thanks to sports, but to dilute the situation between the powers with some kind of sports competition would be quite real. For example, I believe that in our country, there is some confrontation between the east and the west of Ukraine and they solve their conflicts in sport, Ukrainian football, basketball or hockey teams meet to decide who is better, this is the right way to resolve such conflicts. In the end, I would say that sport unites people from different countries and the countries themselves, but you should not base politics only on it, because sometimes it can only complicate relations. International sport is very useful for relationship to the Earth.
In my opinion, ever since the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
times, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
was not
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so
popularized, and
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only
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very
developed powers could conduct
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sports
contests, this was already an interesting type of activity and was quite popular. And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, when athletics are of interest to almost everyone, it
really
can be a way to build relationships.

Firstly
,
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countries
organize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of competitions among themselves to prove that one is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than the other. Global sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
can unite
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people
regardless of their views on politics or religion. And it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the world in peace till
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. International
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sport
can
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keep
it in peace for
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many
years,
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but
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work on it.
For example
, the Olympic Games,
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countries
from around the world are competing and trying to prove that they are
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better
.
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But
there are exceptions to this, we all
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love
to win and a few who know how to lose,
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so
such competitions can complicate relations between countries.

Secondly
, we all have a touch of nationalism when we want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
others that we and our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
are
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better
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
war is not the best way, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us again.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
wars based on nationalist beliefs could not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
thanks to
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sports
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to dilute the situation between the powers with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
competition would be quite real.
For example
, I believe that in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
confrontation between the east and the west of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Ukraine and
they solve their conflicts in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, Ukrainian football, basketball or hockey teams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
to decide who is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
, this is the right way to resolve such conflicts.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, I would say that
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sport
unites
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people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and the
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countries
themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you should not base politics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
complicate relations. International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for relationship to the Earth.

IELTS essay Some people say International sports events help in world peace.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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