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The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education. To what extent do you agree?

The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education. mJ1d
It is argued by some that the government should be granted more funds for education instead of the arts. I completely disagree with this statement and I think that the arts are a crucial part of the community's mental health. This essay firstly discusses how the arts can effect on communities, followed by an argument about the relationship between arts and mathematics and physics. One of the signs of healthy communities is the degree to the people reliant on the arts. As our body needs daily exercise and a healthy diet, our mindset can be improved by the arts such as painting, drama, and music. If we look deep into wealthy countries in terms of culture, we can found that the people respect their artists because they know about the effects of the arts on their daily life. In addition, Most of the famous scientists all around the world benefit greatly from the arts. Einstein is a prime example, He always plays the violin in his leisure time and he believes that playing an instrument helps him to encourage creativity and broaden his horizon. Moreover, A recent survey by Cambridge University found that children who are interested in the arts and follow music or painting classes, mostly get a high mark in mathematics and physics. In conclusion, If Government should be held more accountable for the arts, we will have a healthier community mentally and our children benefit greatly from it.
It
is argued
by
some
that the
government
should
be granted
more funds for education
instead
of the
arts
. I completely disagree with this statement and I
think
that the
arts
are a crucial part of the community's mental health. This essay
firstly
discusses how the
arts
can effect on communities, followed by an argument about the relationship between
arts
and mathematics and physics.

One of the signs of healthy communities is the degree to the
people
reliant on the
arts
. As our body needs daily exercise and a healthy diet, our mindset can be
improved
by the
arts
such as painting, drama, and music. If we look deep into wealthy countries in terms of culture, we can
found
that the
people
respect their artists
because
they know about the effects of the
arts
on their daily life.

In addition
, Most of the
famous
scientists all around the world benefit
greatly
from the
arts
. Einstein is a prime example, He always plays the violin in his leisure
time and
he believes that playing an instrument
helps
him to encourage creativity and broaden his horizon.
Moreover
, A recent survey by Cambridge University found that children who
are interested
in the
arts
and follow music or painting classes,
mostly
get
a high mark in mathematics and physics.

In conclusion
, If
Government
should
be held
more accountable for the
arts
, we will have a healthier community mentally and our children benefit
greatly
from it.
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IELTS essay The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
241 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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