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The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer.

Today we would discuss about banning smoking in public places, its impact on the health of passive smokers and in relation to the restriction on the freedom of chain smokers. The fact about smoking in public places is that lot of people unwillingly also smoke but passively which is even more dangerous. Smoking in public places has for more to see that meets the eye. We know that smoking is really harmful for health along with that we also have know that humans breath in oxygen and release carbon di oxide as a waste product that is harmful for humans, no imagine a mixture of harmful tobacco smoke and carbon di oxide releasing out of someone else's mouth and mixing in the air degrading its quality. It also has an effect on the plants who intake this harmful carbon di oxide and degrade their quality. I don't think this will result in the loss of their freedom, instead it will prompt them to stay away from smoking for longer hours which in the end would result in quitting this habit. It will also help in organ donations, if people stop smoking their organs would be much useful and give lives to people who still have the zeal to live. It is said that only god has the power to give life, imagine assisting god in giving life just by implementing a simple rule. I would like to conclude that I strongly support this argument and smoking at public places should be banned and barred.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
we would
Did you mean simply “discuss banning”? You do not need the word “about” here.
discuss about banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
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public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, its impact on the health of passive smokers and in relation to the restriction on the freedom of chain smokers.

The fact about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is that lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
unwillingly
also
smoke
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
passively
which is even more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
has for more to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that meets the eye. We know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harmful
for health along with that we
also
have
Use past participle here: “known”.
know
that
An apostrophe may be missing.
humans
breath in oxygen and release carbon
Possible spelling mistake found.
di
oxide as a waste product
that is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harmful
for humans, no imagine a mixture of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harmful
tobacco smoke and carbon
Possible spelling mistake found.
di
oxide releasing out of someone else's mouth and mixing in the air degrading its quality. It
also
has an effect on the plants who intake this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harmful
carbon
Possible spelling mistake found.
di
oxide and degrade their quality.

I don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this will result in the loss of their freedom,
instead
it will prompt them to stay away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
for longer hours which in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
would result in quitting this habit. It will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in organ donations, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
their organs would be much useful and give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
still
have the zeal to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. It
is said
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
god has the power to give life, imagine assisting god in giving life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by implementing a simple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
.

I would like
to conclude
that I
strongly
support this argument and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
should
be banned
and barred.
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IELTS essay The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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